What Have I Done to Deserve This?/Grey Matter

From Stacy McKee, writer of "What Have I Done To Deserve This?"

Original Airdate: 2-26-06

Ok, yeah. I’ll admit it. I’m with you.

I’M STILL FREAKING OUT THAT I JUST WATCHED GEORGE AND MEREDITH HAVING SEX!!

My blog was hard to tackle this week. Not just because you guys gave Krista such a hard time last week... And not just because I thought, instead, it might be easier to… you know. Shut the door to my office, crawl under my desk and – well – maybe HIDE. But mostly because—

HOLY CRAP I’M REALLY FREAKING OUT THAT GEORGE AND MEREDITH JUST HAD SEX.

I mean it. I am freaking out. I’ve been freaking out for months. I’ve been freaking out and I haven’t been able to talk about it with ANYONE except all of the other writers on the show, who – Guess what? Are also freaking out.

I freaked out when Shonda told us all (in the writers’ room) not to worry about the “George & Meredith Sex”– because, although it would be, perhaps, one of the most painful things we’ve put our characters through so far…in the end, she insisted, “it would be GREAT.”

Shonda always says that. I usually love it when Shonda says that, because – let’s face it. She’s pretty much always right. Until I realized she was saying it -- about this episode – my episode. The previous episode was going to have ONE SCENE with the sex. But this would be… an entire episode devoted to it… The episode in which we deal with, talk about, actually SEE, and inevitably freak out about the fact that –

HOLY CRAP WE JUST WATCHED GEORGE AND MEREDITH HAVING SEX.

Yeah. I’ve been hiding under my desk a lot lately.

But if this show has taught me anything – it’s to trust Shonda’s vision. And to work my very hardest to do it justice. Yes, the sex was painful. Yes, the sex was upsetting. Clearly, we’re going to have to talk about the sex… but let’s save that for last.

This is an episode about karma.

It was an amazing (and challenging) episode because – in so many ways – it ties up all sorts of threads that have been put into place since the very beginning of the series… Karma catches up to all of these characters and – throws them into a tailspin.

So we have George, who is having – without question – the most terrible horrible no good very bad day in the world. He finally gets busy with the woman of his dreams – only to have it back fire on him in the most horrible way – he’s humiliated – he gets hurt – he finds himself homeless by the end of the episode… how much worse can it get?

And yet – think about it. All of these things coming together all at once? They’re leading him toward an amazing – and long overdue – upswing. Suddenly, he’s not just “Poor George” anymore – he’s George with a backbone. He’s George who has FINALLY gone after what he wants (Meredith) – and taken a stand for what he is or isn’t willing to accept. Old George would be irrevocably devastated by all of this – but New George? He’s not devastated, exactly-- he’s just DONE. He’s had enough. He’s moving out – moving on. It’s a new beginning for him. One that will change him forever. One we’ve all been waiting to see… That’s how karma works. Trust in the karma. (I mean, if none of this had happened, George wouldn’t have encountered the uber saucy bone-crunching orthopedic surgeon Dr. Callie Torres! Hello? Good karma, anyone?)

But everyone – not just George - is dealing with karma this week. Look at Alex… Alex treated Izzie like crap (remember when he plastered her centerfold all over the locker room? When he cheated on her with Olivia?) – and now he gets to watch her dote on the undeniably handsome – and totally charming - Denny Duquette. Just as Alex is starting to really realize his own feelings for Izzie, in comes Denny. Karma at its best.

Cristina – who prides herself on few things MORE than the fact that she’s not a nice person - suddenly finds herself filling the shoes usually filled by Izzie (or Meredith). Cristina spends her day with “custody” of George – basically, her worst nightmare… She has no tolerance for George’s pouting. She doesn’t WANT to listen to him talk about his problems, and yet… what’s great about it – is that Cristina still winds up giving George the best possible advice. The advice he really takes to heart: to stop taking crap and demand something more. Which he does. And which ultimately brings him right back to Cristina... Home to sleep on her couch, saddling her (semi-permanently) with custody of George all over again. What comes around, goes around. Karma.

And Meredith – She’s managed to turn all of her friends against her – at a moment when she (clearly) needs them most… (hello - she just spoke to her father for the first time in 20 years – after finding out that he left because her mother was unfaithful…) Yet – it opens up the door to a friendship she hadn’t believed truly possible – If her other friends weren’t dropping like flies, do you think Meredith would be as willing to give a friendship with McDreamy a real chance? It’s not like McDreamy and Meredith were “friends first.” No! She picked him up in a bar – she didn’t even know his name… so – them being “just friends??” This is uncharted territory, people. Interesting karma, right? Lose one friend, gain another?

Then, of course, we can’t forget Addison – she slept with her husband’s best friend – the friend who just came to town last episode – so what’s her karma? Poison oak on the vah-jay-jay, of course! The part of this story I love, though (almost as much as Bailey tending to Addison in stirrups for an entire episode) is that – what is so truly painful and horrifying – the poison oak -- actually winds up bringing Derek and Addison closer together. At the end, they share this wonderful moment of laughter – they’ve let down their guard with each other – and, for the first time (pretty much ever) we see them genuinely enjoying a moment with each other. Strange as it seems, the poison oak is almost as good as it is bad karma…

And that brings us right back to – HOLY CRAP WE’RE FREAKING OUT THAT GEORGE AND MEREDITH JUST HAD SEX!!!

Ok, yes. It’s just so WRONG. On so many levels – they were friends. Now they’ll never be able to go back. It’s like messing with a really good thing in a way it just DIDN’T need to be messed with. It feels wrong. It feels awful. It feels… icky.

DUH. That’s the point. OF COURSE it’s icky. Of course it’s awful. You’re feeling exactly the way you’re supposed to be feeling. You’re feeling exactly the way these characters are feeling. You’re feeling kinda like, the only thing left to do is… crawl under your desk and pretend it never happened.

Only it did. Because – really – it had to.

The sex HAD to happen. It was always going to happen. Hello. Shonda set this moment up in the PILOT. George remembered the kind of strappy sandals Meredith was wearing at the pre-internship mixer!!! Did you really really think this moment – this FREAKY GEORGE AND MEREDITH SEX – was never gonna happen???

Of course it was. Really, it’s just been a question of when. Which, as it turns out, was – now. In this episode. It’s happened. It happened. IT HAPPENS, y’all. People have sex with inappropriate people. People hurt their friends. People make decisions they regret the morning after. People do terrible things. Because in the end, we’re all just people. Flawed, confused, irrational, hopeful, looking-for-happiness-and-hoping-we’ll-find-it people trying to figure out our lives one day at a time. As characters, Meredith and George are no different.

There’s no turning back. There’s nothing George and Meredith can do. The damage is done – things will never be the same. They’ve just changed something important in their lives FOREVER and… they are freaking out.

The important thing to remember, though – is that while Meredith wishes things could go back to the way they were before the sex… (the way, I think, most of us have felt – or would feel - in similar situations…) George does not. And that’s huge. Because… before the sex – George was in limbo. But after the sex? As painful as the outcome was – he’s suddenly not. George knows exactly where he stands. There’s finally some closure. And that’s a good thing. It’s what will fuel him through the rest of the season…

Which is also why it was so important to break from tradition, and let George do the voice over for this episode. We needed to be inside HIS head. Hearing HIM tell us about karma. We needed to hear George explain how karma isn’t unfair – it isn’t unexpected – it just evens the score. Hearing George say that is what assures us that – even after all of this, he’s going to be just fine.

And so are we.

That’s the beauty of karma – and the agony. Watching a karmic tailspin begin is – enough to make you hide under your office furniture. But anticipating the inevitable payoff? Well… It’s what convinces you, finally, to stop freaking out, crawl out from underneath your desk, and to write your writer’s blog.

Even if you really are… TOTALLY STILL FREAKING OUT THAT GEORGE AND MEREDITH JUST HAD SEX!