Testing 1-2-3/Grey Matter

Allan Heinberg on "Testing 1-2-3"

Original airdate: 5-10-07

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but, sometimes, terrible things happen on GREY’S ANATOMY. Wonderful things happen, too. People fall in love. They have the best sex of their lives. They have epiphanies about life and love and surgery and so forth. But mostly on GREY’S ANATOMY people accidentally puncture their surgical gloves with their fingernails during a heart surgery. Or they sleep with the wrong people -- again and again. Or they die. Occasionally they die and come back to life, but for the most part they die, and it’s devastating: George’s father; Meredith’s mother; Meredith’s step-mother. It can make for compelling television drama, but it’s not entirely unlike real life, where terrible things happen to us, to our friends, and to the world around us without warning or explanation. And we’re human beings, most of us, so when terrible things happen, we want to know the reasons why. We want the suffering to mean something. And when the meaning isn’t immediately evident, we assign meaning as a way of comprehending, if not controlling, what seem like random acts of terribleness. When bad things happen, we make sense of them by calling them tests. Tests we either pass or fail before moving on to the next level of experience, but ones we hopefully learn from either way.

As Season Three hurtles toward its shattering, emotional conclusion, the interns at Seattle Grace face a very real and terrifying test: a written exam, which will determine whether they become residents next season or whether they’ll be dropped from the surgical program altogether. The attendings, too, are now just one day away from discovering the results of their season-long test. Tomorrow they’ll find out whom Richard has recommended to become Chief of Surgery -- the same day Bailey and Callie discover Richard's choice for Chief Resident.

As usual, however, the professional challenges the doctors face are nothing compared to their personal ones. Cristina and Burke are twenty-four hours from their wedding. Izzie's bracing herself, about to lose George to Callie and Mercy West. Alex discovers Ava has been concealing her true identity from him. Derek feels he's losing Meredith in the wake of Susan's death. And Meredith feels like she’s already lost everything: her career, her relationship, and her family.

Meredith’s first test arrives before this episode even begins in that she has to decide whether or not to attend Susan’s funeral. After the way Susan died, and Thatcher’s physically violent reaction to the news, Meredith would understandably harbor some ambivalence about going. Especially on the day of the intern exam. But in a surprising show of strength and resolve, Meredith doesn’t whine or deliberate over her decision. She simply puts on her black dress and sets off for the funeral. Even when Cristina gives her the out of asking the Chief to let her take the exam another day, Meredith refuses. She doesn't need to reschedule the test. She's ready.

What Meredith isn’t ready for, however, is her father’s showing up drunk and angry at the hospital and publicly humiliating her all over again. At which point Meredith simply shuts down. She sinks under the weight of her own life -- and her own perceived failures -- just as she did when she drowned. Faced with her mother’s dismissing her life as merely “ordinary” -- and her father’s brutal rejection -- Meredith seems to will herself out of existence, failing to complete the intern exam and to communicate with Derek. That is, until her friends intervene. Confronted with the prospect of losing one of their own -- a test in and of itself -- the interns set aside their own conflicts and concerns and fight together for Meredith. In the end, Meredith’s biggest test isn’t whether or not she fails or succeeds as an intern. It’s whether she can allow herself to be helped -- to be taken care of -- to be loved -- by others. When her biological family casts her aside, Meredith’s Seattle Grace family is there to support her unconditionally -- and, though it’s obviously painful and difficult, especially where Richard is concerned (“You’re not my father.”), Meredith ultimately lets them.

For Derek, who’s consigned to having to watch Meredith go through all this from the sidelines, it sometimes seems as if his entire relationship with Meredith has been a test. And what's the right answer at this point? To take her at her word that she's fine? That she needs to go to Susan’s funeral by herself? Or should he worry and hover -- making sure she’s still breathing -- as he’s been doing since she drowned? In the end, Derek listens to Meredith -- he gives her the space she’s asked for -- but as a result, the distance between them grows wider than ever. Derek ends up walking away from Meredith as she re-takes the intern exam -- leaving her in the care of her waiting friends -- but does that mean he’s failed her? After all, he doesn’t succumb to the temptation of accepting the drink from the girl in the bar. He remains true to Meredith, even if he remains excluded from her experience. Again. But for how long?

As for Cristina, the intern test seems to pose little or no challenge for her. She has Callie’s cards and… she’s Cristina, she’s going to be fine. And it’s not even her relationship with Burke that’s testing her at the moment. It’s her relationship to the wedding itself: the ceremony, the ritual, the vows -- all of which, in Cristina’s mind, have nothing to do with her and Burke. But the demands of the wedding itself continue to test her patience and resolve. And her sense of self. Is she the sort of person who vows to love and cherish and honor till death do us part? Burke knows she’s not. Yet, in spite of himself, he’s expecting her to go through with it anyway. Burke, too, faces the challenge of not judging Cristina's commitment to their marriage by the way she's participating (or not) in their wedding. But in his mind, aren’t they one and the same? Does her reticence to commit herself to him in public betray a deeper reluctance to commit to him at all? According to Burke, it will all come down to the moment he sees her walking toward him down the aisle. At which time, he’ll know. He’ll know the answer to the question, “Do you, Preston, take this woman, Cristina, to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

But with some tests, there are no right answers.

Ava lies to Alex, concealing her true identity, and in doing, she fails him. She betrays his trust. But it seems she does so for Alex. She keeps her identity a secret so that she can remain with him at Seattle Grace, rather than return to the marriage she was trying to escape in the first place. It’s not the right thing to do, certainly, but it is an act of love. In the end, even Alex can see that. But how much will he be able to trust someone who lied to him? Even if she did so out of love?

Addison's test is played largely for comedy in this episode as she struggles to come to terms with her infertility in the face of a seeming army of pregnant women. And at no time does she ever put her personal struggle above the needs of her patients or her friendship with Callie. She passes this test several times over, but she does so, it seems, at the risk of her own long-term happiness.

And it’s far too late for Izzie and George to do the “right” thing with regard to each other and Callie. George and Callie’s marriage has already been compromised. And no matter how real or deep Izzie and George’s feelings for each other are, their relationship has been compromised, as well. And up until this point in his life, George has considered himself a highly moral person. He’s not a man who cheats on his wife. So what is the right answer for George, at this point? Does he remain at Seattle Grace and continue to try to deny his feelings for Izzie? Or should he tell Callie the truth, even if it means hurting her and ending their marriage? Or does he stay the course by keeping silent, recommitting to the marriage, and sparing Callie’s feelings? There is no right answer at this point. George is a highly moral person doing his utmost to be the best doctor -- the best friend -- the best husband he can be. But people, no matter how well intentioned, make mistakes. If life is a series of tests, there is no perfect score. You do the best you can and try to learn from your mistakes, because before you know it, life has another test in store. And another. And then one after that. Not unlike episodes of series television.

Speaking of which, we have only one episode left of GREY’S ANATOMY this season, and it’s epic. And we’re already well into our work on Season Four -- talking about how far the characters have come in three seasons and where they seem to want to go next.

Thanks for reading, Allan Heinberg