The Becoming

"There's this person in my head. She's brilliant. Capable. She can do chest tubes and craniotomies, she can run a code without freaking out. She's a really good surgeon. Maybe even a great surgeon. She's me. Only so much better. It was a good day. Maybe even a great day. I was a good doctor, even when it was hard, I was the me in my head. There was a moment when I thought I can't do this, I can't do this alone. I close my eyes and imagine myself doing it, and I did, I blocked out the fear, and I did it."

- Meredith Grey

The Becoming is the fourteenth episode of the fourth season and the 75th overall episode of Grey's Anatomy.

Short Summary
Preston Burke receives the Harper Avery, a prestigious award which causes Cristina to put to rest her old feelings. Meredith continues with therapy as she tries to get over Derek, with whom she is a partner in a clinical trial, and who is dating Nurse Rose. The nurse's union files a formal complaint against the actions of Mark Sloan, causing the hospital employees to document their sexual histories. Alex tries to reconcile himself to the fact that he might be a father. Callie and Mark have sex multiple times.

Full Summary
Bailey walks into the hospital with her young son, as Chief Webber is about to post a notice to the bulletin board. "Is Yang going to have a problem with this?" he asks Bailey, to which she replies, "I'd say so". When Cristina arrives the other interns quickly block the board from her view. They eventually move back, which displays the headline "Area Surgeon Takes Prestigious Award", and a photograph of Preston Burke. This announcement colors the atmosphere for the rest of the day. "No one wins the Harper Avery," Izzie tells Alex. "We know someone who's won the Harper Avery." Cristina, on the other hand, becomes uncharacteristically passive and reticent, turning down one of Hahn's cardio surgeries and volunteering herself to harvest hearts in the morgue. Hahn's heart patient, Kyra Marshall, is forced to spend her time in isolation, living inside walls of clear plastic that shield her from infection-causing antibodies. The "mom in a plastic bubble" is noticeably distressed: she's been waiting eight weeks for a heart when she was promised only three. Dr. Hahn tries to calm her down, and reaches through the plastic-coated glove to hold her hand and tell her the reassuring news: she has a heart waiting for her.

Meanwhile, Meredith and Derek's clinical trial continues, and Meredith confesses in therapy, "Every time Derek walks into a room, all I can think about is his tongue...in my mouth." To remind herself of the reality of the situation, she repeats in her head "he's with Rose". Despite having lost four prior patients in the trial, the team takes on Daron Covington, a soldier who served in Iraq and is suffering from a brain tumor. He is accompanied by his father, Mr. Evrett, and his old army friend, Todd.

Bailey knocks on the door of the on-call room where Callie and Sloan are having sex, and asks for each of their approval on some nursing changes. Later, the Chief calls Sloan into his office because the nurses are boycotting his surgeries, and the nurse's union has hired a union rep. As they step into the conference room, the chief is surprised to find that the "nurse mediator" is none other than his wife, Adele, who proclaims, "I'm not just a housewife anymore." Although no formal harassment claims had been filed, the board decided that the hospital would take preventative measures against future litigation, and provides forms upon which the hospital staff must document their sexual histories. Adele hands one to the chief, "you too, Richard". Outside, Webber confronts her, thinking her hostility might be money-related. "I don't need more money," says Adele, "I need to be taken seriously." Richard tries to convince Adele that he, too, is a changed man, and announces that he even has his own intern. "The Chief's Intern," he says. He then finds George O'Malley and gives him the position, making him feel much less slighted by being the only repeater and doing work far below his ability level.

In the ER, a slightly irritated Erica Hahn broods over the announcement of former classmate Burke's Harper Avery. "I publish more, I do double the research, I deserve this more than Burke," she tells Callie. "It's a big men's club and it's not fair." After some flattering exchanges, Erica invites Callie to go to Joe's that night; Callie backs out, saying she has another "thing". Mark arrives, asking Callie to vouch for him and tell the nurses that he is a good guy, and squeezes her butt. Unaware that Callie was secretly seeing Mark, Erica walks away, not pleased. Later, in the scrub room, Erica confronts Callie about seeing Sloan, explaining that she doesn't make friends easily and that she expected Callie to at least tell her if she was sleeping with someone. "I don't make friends easily," she repeats. As the chief's intern, George is assigned the task of handing out the sexual history forms, to be completed by the end of the day. He restrains from handing one to Bailey, who the chief claims is the exception, and Nurse Rose turns down the form, to the surprise of onlookers Izzie and George. Later, when Sloan tries to make Rose an ally, she says she's not impressed with sex at all in a man. Sloan responds, "I hate women like you. You string guys along acting like sex is some prize, and really you're just afraid that when you give it up, they'll lose interest."

Meredith is attending to the trial patient, who is with Todd. Mr. Covington walks in on the gay couple kissing and orders Todd to get out. The patient explains, his father was a soldier, and the Don't Ask Don't Tell policy could get Todd kicked out of the army. "I knew the deal when I signed on. You keep your personal life seperate from your work life. I just never thought I'd meet my personal life at work." Before surgery, Meredith offers Daron a chance to see Todd, but he refuses, causing Todd to feel hurt.

Lexie explains over lunch to George, Izzie, Alex and Meredith that Cristina has been singing in the morgue, specifically, Madonna's "Like A VIrgin". This sends Meredith running to set her straight. "You'll win your own Harper Avery," she tells Cristina, and reminds her that Burke would have been nothing were it not for her help when he had the tremor. Meredith explains to Cristina that she's in therapy because Derek is seeing Rose, and Cristina stops singing. "Thank you," she says. Outside waiting for the donor heart, Dr. Hahn brings up the subject of the Harper Avery to Cristina, pointing out that she wasn't even mentioned in the article although she had helped with Burke's research. "Well, it comes as no surprise, his arrogance is legendary," Hahn notes. She is surprised, however, when Cristina refuses to engage in conversation, having thought that maybe they finally would have had something in common. "I will follow your example, Yang," she says. "Congratulations, Preston, I wish you well."

Bailey enters the conference room to drop off her form, where she confronts Richard about being singled out as a sexless woman. "I've been a single woman for some time now," she tells Webber heatedly, "but the very idea that I could have a sexual encounter, a consensual sexual encounter is a joke to you? So much so that you would single me out as the one person in this hospital who couldn't interest a member of the opposite sex?" "It's harassment," Adele notes.

Trying to get over her relationship with Derek, Meredith volunteers to stay overnight when she sees that Rose wants to see Derek. He tells Meredith, almost imploringly, "if you want me to stay, I'll stay", but she insists that he go out on a date instead.

While Alex is babysitting her kids and she is moments away from surgery, Kyra Marshall crashes and Alex breaks the plastic barrier, ordering the husband to take the kids away. He saves her life, but as a result, she must wait longer in isolation for another heart because the exposure has put her at serious risk.

George delivers the forms to the Chief, who boasts of his delegating abilities to Adele. Seeing that his job was little other than a ploy to impress Adele, George confronts Webber privately and explains that he'd like to be taken seriously, too, and not used. Webber apologizes and promises to make "the chief's intern" a real job.

Todd comes to Mr. Covington and explains that he's trained to never leave a man when he's down, but Daron is already dead. Derek explains to Meredith: the virus reverted. He presents her with a bottle of champagne, for when they finally get it right.

Cristina is called into the chief's office because he is missing her form. "The hospital is still liable even though Dr. Burke isn't here," says Webber. Cristina f clicks a pen, writes the name, and hands it to the chief. "I know this is difficult for you," he says. "No, it is not difficult," says Cristina, "it is simple. Burke is not here, he is gone. And he's the better for it. He's winning the Harper Avery Award and being celebrated all over the world. That is not difficult. He's out there. And I'm here. Where everything is the same. I still live in his apartment, I walk the same halls of this hospital, I wear the same scrubs, even that is not difficult. This is where I am. This is where I choose to be. But sir, when his hand was shaking, I performed his surgeries. I kept his secrets, I nursed his pride. You know it, and I know it, and he knows it. He knows it. But yet nowhere in that newspaper article does my name appear. I am the unseen hand to his brilliance. And yet while everything is the same it's very, very different. Now, I'm lucky if I get to hold a clamp. Hahn treats me like....I was his hand. And now I'm a ghost. That's not difficult. It's unbearable. I know everyone is proud of him, but I am not, and I do not wish him well."

Bailey tells Izzie that her husband is out on a date; Izzie reveals that she hasn't broken confidentiality on Rebecca Pope's results, even at a great personal cost. At Joe's, Lexie is still brooding over Alex's oversight on the form, forgetting he had sex with her. Callie admits to avoiding Erica, but lets her know why--Addison had implied that the pair of them might be lesbians, and they both laugh. Richard is seen in bed with Adele, seemingly reconciled. Sloan bemoans the fact that in her defense of him, Bailey's best was "he's a whore", while Derek confesses to sleeping with Rose and thinking about Meredith the whole time. "Who's the bigger whore?" he asks. In therapy, Dr. Wyatt refuses to let Meredith believe it was really a good day for her, asking her to really think about why Derek is "with Rose" instead of with her. "You're scared," she tells Meredith. "Are you calling me a coward?" Meredith asks. "Are you calling me a coward?" and she leaves the room, letting the door slam.

Main Cast

 * Ellen Pompeo as Dr. Meredith Grey
 * Sandra Oh as Dr. Cristina Yang
 * Katherine Heigl as Dr. Izzie Stevens
 * Justin Chambers as Dr. Alex Karev
 * T.R. Knight as Dr. George O'Malley
 * Chandra Wilson as Dr. Miranda Bailey
 * James Pickens, Jr. as Dr. Richard Webber
 * Sara Ramírez as Dr. Callie Torres
 * Eric Dane as Dr. Mark Sloan
 * Chyler Leigh as Dr. Lexie Grey
 * Brooke Smith as Dr. Erica Hahn
 * Patrick Dempsey as Dr. Derek Shepherd

Guest Stars

 * Amy Madigan as Dr. Katharine Wyatt
 * Lauren Stamile as Nurse Rose
 * John M. Jackson as Kevin Covington
 * Benny Ciaramello as Darren Covington
 * Zilah Mendoza as Kyra Marhsall
 * David Giuntoli as Todd
 * Loretta Devine as Adele Webber

Co-Starring

 * Andre Ware as Dr. Evett
 * Joe Camareno as Lucas Marshall
 * Bruce Katzman as Wayne
 * Moe Irvin as Nurse Tyler
 * Joseph Williamson as Intern Pierce
 * Candice Afia as Intern Laura
 * Maria Elena Maglaris as Nurse Maria
 * Jade Reyes as Zoe Marshall
 * Therese Noelle Howe as Jessie Marshall

Notes and Trivia

 * This episode's title originated from the song The Becoming, originally sung by Nine Inch Nails.
 * This episode scored 16.03 million viewers.

Quotes

 * Bailey: Stevens? You want to win yourself a Harper Avery? Then you need to master the basics of privacy.


 * Derek: On my way here I stopped, and I got this. For when we get it right. Because we will. We will succeed, and we will save someone. Then when we do we're going to open this bottle of champagne. And we're going to drink to Phillip Robinson, and Daron Covington, and all the other patients that helped us change the face of medicine. And we're going to celebrate. We're going to use this as our victory dance.


 * Cristina: It is simple. Burke is not here, he is gone. And he's the better for it. He's winning the Harper Avery Award and being celebrated all over the world. That is not difficult. He's out there. And I'm here. Where everything is the same. I still live in his apartment, I walk the same halls of this hospital, I wear the same scrubs, even that is not difficult. This is where I am. This is where I choose to be. But sir, when his hand was shaking, I performed his surgeries. I kept his secrets, I nursed his pride. You know it, and I know it, and he knows it. He knows it. But yet nowhere in that newspaper article does my name appear. I am the unseen hand to his brilliance. And yet while everything is the same it's very, very different. Now, I'm lucky if I get to hold a clamp. Hahn treats me like....I was his hand. And now I'm a ghost. That's not difficult. It's unbearable. I know everyone is proud of him, but I am not, and I do not wish him well.


 * Bailey: Just wanted to drop off the form myself... answer any questions you might have.
 * Richard: There are interns on this form
 * Bailey: Mmhmm.. I require the energy of youth. Dr. Shepherd was a moment of weakness for both of us.
 * Richard: Dr. Sloan?
 * Bailey: Oh that was many moments. On-call rooms. It was..very hot.
 * Adele: Mmhmm.. Steamy.
 * Richard: Alright, Dr. Bailey I get the joke.
 * Bailey: See this is a joke to you. I am a single woman. I've been a single woman for some time now, but the very idea that I could have a sexual encounter, a consensual sexual encounter..is a joke to you!
 * Richard: Dr. Bailey, I...
 * Bailey: So much so that you would single me out of this entire hospital as the one person who couldn't interest a person of the opposite sex..it's..it's..it's just...
 * Adele: It's harassment.
 * Richard: A..Adele!
 * (Bailey slaps the Chief's shoulder hard.)
 * Bailey: Just shame on you sir! Just shame on you! (She storms out.)


 * Bailey: This boycot has gone on long enough. Now, okay, I have no authority here, but I'd like to offer my thoughts on Dr. Sloan.
 * Mark: You're doing great!
 * Bailey: This man is a whore, has always been a whore, will probably always be a whore, but, I mean, that's not a secret, he's not keeping it hidden. You all knew who he was before you got involved with him and now you wanna be all "Woe is me? He didn't call me back, he's dating other women..." He's nasty! But he's a doctor here, and a pretty good one. So let us all close our knees, and get back to our jobs, so he can get back to his job and help the people that really need it. Disperse!


 * Mark: The most refined professional lady-like doctor came to my defense tonight. The best she could come up with was: "He's a whore." I'm a whore.