Yesterday/Grey Matter

From Krista Vernoff, who wrote the teleplay for "Yesterday"

Original Airdate 2-19-06

So, apparently, some folks are getting a little antsy for this blog. I know, because yesterday, Shonda emailed me and said “The fans are FREAKING OUT. You have to post your blog before they riot.” This email came as a surprise to me, mostly because I thought yesterday was Sunday and I didn’t realize my episode had aired yet. Weird, yes, but this was a holiday weekend and I was in Palm Springs having a MUCH NEEDED holiday with my husband and I got confused from all the sleep. Sleep will do that to you. I have the best husband. I am madly in love with him. Weekends in Palm Springs, where we got married almost two years ago, are about my favorite thing in the world. Really. We are so in love that when we go to parties at Shonda’s house, she frequently YELLS at us from across the room, “STOP LOVING EACH OTHER SO DAMN MUCH.” True story. I am living the dream. And aren’t you already a little bit annoyed with me, like, one paragraph in? The point here is that while I love my marriage, it would not make for interesting television. It really wouldn’t. The script would look something like this:

'''Krista and Kevin are snuggling on the couch in front of the TV.

KRISTA: I totally want the bald guy with the two step kids to win this year.

KEVIN: You don’t think Paris should win?

KRISTA: Okay, yeah, maybe. But they should definitely be the final two!

And they snuggle some more as the wailing sounds of American Idol rise in the background.'''

Seriously. Would you tune in next week? I don’t think you would. The critics would call us “saccharine” the fans would call us “boring” and ABC would cancel us.

Now, if you cut back in time say, 10 to 15 years? My life then might have made for interesting TV. I could tell you tons of stories, but I’m gonna focus on one. I had this friend. I will call him Jim because that doesn’t at all resemble his name. Jim and I went to college together but we had actually known each other since we were 16. And Jim had had an intense crush on me since we were 16. And he was the nicest guy in the world and one of my closest friends. And I knew how he felt about me – because how could I not? And for this reason, I didn’t cross that line with him for a long, long time despite many drunken occasions when it would have been easy to do so. And then one night I did. Why? Because we had graduated from college and we were living in New York and I was in a constant state of “what am I going to do with my life” terror and he was there. And he was safe and familiar and so incredibly kind. And I wanted that kindness in my life very badly. I wanted to be a healthy woman who would choose the nice guy who loved me and stop chasing the sexy, unavailable guys who didn’t. And so, even though I had high hopes in the moment that I crossed that line, it didn’t go very well in the long run. Because at 22, I wasn’t that healthy. And I hurt a dear friend. And the friendship suffered for it. But eventually, it was a good thing because he got over me and met and married a woman who loved him back. And now we’re friends again. True story.

And despite all this life experience? I was, for a very, very long time, WILDLY OPPOSED to Meredith and George hooking up. Like, shouting matches in the writer’s room opposed. Like, storming down the hall to my office and eating vast quantities of Trader Joe’s dark chocolate opposed. I was afraid people wouldn’t forgive Meredith. I wanted very much for Meredith to be healthier than she is. Because now, at 34, I’ve had several years of therapy and it’s hard for me to conceive of making the kinds of decisions that Meredith makes. But Meredith isn’t me now – she’s more like me then. Which, as I mentioned, makes for better television. And even knowing all of that, I was still opposed. Until Shonda had the flash of inspiration that the Mer/George hook-up should come on the heels of Meredith going to see her father. It was like the clouds parted. And suddenly, I completely got it. And I completely forgave Meredith. Here’s why:

My Dad died five years ago today (2/21/01). It sucked ass in a way I find it difficult to describe. The whole month of February sucks for me and on 2/21 every year, it’s hard for me to get out of bed. The loss of a parent is a pain you can only fully understand when you lose a parent. And Meredith has pretty much lost her mom to alzheimers. And here’s what I think about her Dad: I think that for 20 years, Meredith has, somewhere in the deepest part of her psyche, held on to the fantasy that her dad is out there, just waiting to love her. I think she thinks that when she finally makes the effort to know him, he will open his arms, and open his heart and apologize for leaving and just love her like crazy. The news of Ellis’ affair was the opportunity Meredith had needed to finally forgive him enough to approach him. She gathered what had to be a HUGE amount of courage to knock on his door…

And then the fantasy died.

Because Thatcher didn’t throw open his arms. He didn’t apologize. He didn’t invite her in. He didn’t have the right words, he didn’t have the right anything. And to Meredith, that had to feel like a death.

And then she went to a bar and drank.

And then Mark made her hope again, if only briefly, that she could have the man she loves back.

And then she went home and stared out her window in a state that I can only imagine was tremendous pain and loss and grief.

And then George came in. And poor George DID NOT KNOW ANY OF THIS. He was not there to take advantage of her when she was in a vulnerable state. All he knew was that he had spent the entire day working up his courage to finally, finally make her hear him. And, unwittingly, he said the world’s most perfect things.

He said he would never leave her (like her father did). He said he would never hurt her (like Derek did). He said he would never stop loving her.

And he was safe and familiar and so incredibly kind. And she wanted that kindness in her life very badly. She wanted to be a healthy woman who would choose the nice guy who loved her and stop chasing the sexy, unavailable guys who didn’t (or couldn’t). And even though she had high hopes in the moment that she crossed that line, I’m guessing,  that it didn’t go very well in the long run.

I think that’s enough for now. I will try to write again soon to address the other 41 minutes of last night’s episode. Thank you for watching and for caring so much about these characters and these stories we tell. They do, as you may have noticed, come from our selves, from our psyches, from our lives. Putting that stuff on TV every week is sometimes not the easiest thing to do – and it means the world to us that you continue to care and continue to watch.

Sincerely, Krista

As promised, MORE from Krista regarding her last episode....

So, I said I would try last week to come back soon and write more about "Yesterday." I said I would try, and I meant it. I did try. But when I had to choose between writing dialogue for the actors to say and updating the writers’ blog – well, I’m trusting that you understand. I still don’t have much time, because Shonda keeps me handcuffed to my desk, with an IV drip of caffeine and marching orders that I must follow. Still, there are a few things I wanted to tell you -- and by you, I mean those of you who don’t write and call me names like ‘loser’ and ‘stupid whore.’ :)

1. The Orgasm Lady’s medical condition was that she had a small tumor on her pudendal artery, which supplies blood to the clitoris. So that area was constantly being stimulated. It was unfortunate that we had to cut the scene that explained it all but the episode was running long. Yes, it was based on an actual case.

2. The episode was titled “Yesterday” even though the theme was “growing up” – because at one point the theme was “the past” – but things change quickly around here, and when we changed the theme, we never got around to changing the title. (We were probably busy updating the writer’s blog.) If you think about it, several of the stories actually reflect both themes – but the growing up thing felt more relevant somehow. The cancer man who is still bearing grudges from childhood and the beautiful and funny lionitis kid who never gets a chance to grow up and the orgasm lady who feels like a freak the way most of us do as teenagers and all of our characters who in this episode seem trapped in a prolonged state of adolescence…

3. McSteamy is indeed hot. And yes, there is the possibility for a return visit sometime – but the deal was this: he asked Addison to meet him at the bar and come home to NY with him. And Addison didn’t show. So Mark went home to NY alone. Sad but true.

4. Yes, Addison is keeping a secret from Derek about the actual dynamics of her affair with Mark. My guess is that Derek has never asked, and that Addison wants so much for him to forgive her that she has opted to lie by omission. I don’t know if Derek will ever find out. Wouldn’t it be crazy if he didn’t? Wouldn’t it be crazy if, as in life, some of the secrets and lies just never surfaced? Man. There would be more name-calling is my guess…

5. The scene with Burke and Cristina dancing is my personal favorite in the history of Grey’s. It was so fabulously adorable and intimate and character-revealing all at once. Sandra and Isaiah just floored me and Rob Corn – whom Shonda refers to as Bossy McBossy, remember? – did a brilliant job directing it.

6. WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT KEVIN COVAIS’ SPEECH IMPEDIMENT? Seriously, how are you supposed to have a professional singing career when you sound like this: “You should have told me yourthelf, that you loved thomeone elth, insthead I heard it through the grapevine…”??? He is sweet kid – even a talented singer, but seriously! Maybe I’ll write to Simon Cowell and call him some names…

-Krista