Grey's Anatomy Universe Wiki
Grey's Anatomy Universe Wiki

Are You My Mother? is the tenth episode and mid-season premiere of the fifth season and the 86th overall episode of Private Practice.

Short Summary[]

Cooper struggles with whether or not to punish Mason after he catches him stealing. Pete and Violet find it hard to split time with Lucas now that they're living apart. Addison makes changes in her home life to prepare for a potential new baby. Violet and Jake work with two women and a man involved in a polyamorous triad. Meanwhile, Amelia returns to the practice and realizes how badly she hurt Sheldon when she was abusing drugs.

Full Summary[]

Addison tells her therapist she used to think she was in control of everything. Now, she thinks life happens and they have to try and ride it out, survive. He said she's had a lot of disappointment lately. She laughs and says yes.

Addison and Sam are moving back all of Addison's stuff back into her house so they can prove to a social worker that he's not living with her. Addison says the social worker wouldn't understand their situation. Sam says he doesn't want to fight anymore. Addison calls it disagreeing. Sam leaves to get more boxes.

Violet comes home and greets Lucas. Pete thought she wasn't coming until after work. Violet says Lucas got invited to a party and she wanted to RSVP. Pete says he already did that. Pete wants to say something, but not to pick a fight. They need to stick to our plan. It's his time with Lucas and she can't just show up. Violet says it's her house and she wanted to spend 5 minutes with her son. Violet says moving back and forth between the hotel isn't working, as she feels unsettled all the time. As does Pete. She thinks it would be better for her to move back and for him to find a place nearby. She tells Pete to think about it and leaves.

Rose and Kendra are on Jake's couch. They've been together for 6 years and they're ready to have children on their own. They will using Evan's sperm. They will use Rose's egg and Kendra will carry. Jake then goes to examine them both and he suggests they sit down with a therapist as Evan's a part of their life. That may cause complications. Jake wants them to know what the stress points may be. The patients are opposed to the idea, but Jake is not asking.

Addison is showing Mildred, the social worker, around her house. The cabinets and balcony doors are childproof, and the fire alarm gets checked monthly. Mildred asks about the drowning hazard the ocean presents. Addison says she can't imagine letting the baby out of her hands, but she'll make sure to watch them once they're older and to keep them out of the sun because of the risk of skin cancer. Mildred looks around and she finds Sam's shoes. She asks if there's a man living there that Addison neglected to tell her about.

Cooper and Mason are at the toy store to buy Tinkertoy, but Mason's never heard of it. Mason wants a pack of cards, but Cooper says maybe next time. Mason sticks the cards in his pocket anyway and walks off, forcing Cooper to pay for them.

Violet asks Evan how he sees his role in the child's life. Evan says he just wants to donate his sperm, build the crib and then be the fun uncle. Kendra says she will be home with the baby as Rose works. Violet says that will work in the beginning, but if Evan ever disagrees, he has legal standing as the biological father, unless they specify otherwise now. She advises a contract, which can say whatever they want. Kendra says it feels like a business decision, and Evan agrees. Rose has something on her mind, but Violet has to encourage her to say it. Rose and Kendra hold hands, and then Evan takes Kendra's other hand. Kendra says they are all in love.

Amelia walks into Sheldon's office. He's working on notes, but Amelia asks if he'd like a break for pizza and pins. Her treat. Sheldon says it sounds like fun, but he says maybe the next time as he's jammed today.

As a disappointed Amelia leaves, Charlotte catches up with her and asks if she's ready to cut again. She needs someone for a surgery as the surgeon who was supposed to do it had to pull an unexpected all-nighter. Amelia says she's ready. 

Kendra, Rose, and Evan are talking about how amazing their relationship is. Rose says they have rule that every decision has to be unanimous so no one feels left out. They can handle everything. Violet brings up that the world they'd be raising their child in may not be as accepting to things that don't seem normal. Evan says he came from a home with lots of commitment and normality, but not much love. He, Kendra, and Rose have a lot of love to give.

Violet is talking about the polyamorous triad. The other don't think it can work. Jake is upset they lied to him. Addison wants to mock them for a minute. Sam says life is hard enough already, and wonders why they should make it harder. Sheldon says that argument is used against biracial couples. Jake says he was ready to help an honest couple, but Violet tells him to ignore the dishonesty as society is just not ready for it. Addison gets a call. That was her lawyer. The social worker has signed off and a birth mother wants to meet her. Violet points out her situation is pretty weird, too. Addison smiles and says that in less than a month, she could be a mother.

Sam asks Addison if she's okay. Addison would like to talk about meeting the birth mother, but she's sure he's not up for that. Sam wishes her good luck and says she's gonna do great.

Sheldon finds Violet and asks how she is at forgiving in her personal life. She says she can sometimes, when the relationship is worth saving. She realizes it's about Amelia. She says it depends on the offense. Sheldon says she crushed him. She was in crisis in rehab so he could put his own feelings aside, but now... He doesn't want to make it harder for her. Violet advises her to give her some time. She's doing that with Pete, but admits it's not working.

Amelia is scrubbing in. As she enters the OR, the staff is happy to see her and asks about her vacation. Charlotte comes in and says it's not a tea party. They all need to concentrate, so less talking. Amelia walks up to the table and asks for the scalpel.

Addison is meeting with the birth mother at her house. She's a student planning on going to law school. Melanie asks if she's awful for giving up her baby. Addison says of course not. Melanie wants her to think about the question. She's not a teenager and she has the resources, so it's not necessity. She doesn't want to be a mom at 20 and she doesn't want to give her baby to someone who thinks she's awful. Addison confesses she had an abortion in her 30s. She wasn't ready to have a baby, so she's certainly not judging. Melanie has never met anyone who admitted to an abortion. Melanie says they all pretend like it doesn't exist. It's sort of amazing. Addison asks if she's met with other potential parents. Melanie met a family from the church, but they were a little boring. Melanie heard she's a fetal surgeon, which she thinks is awesome.

Sam finds Pete looking at houses on the Internet. Pete informs him that Violet wants him to find a place. Pete is not looking forward to it, because it still won't be Lucas's house. Sam says Maya used to call his house her weekend getaway. Pete says kids kill you. Sam says he and Addison are not even pretending anymore. It's like one of them just has to say the words to make it official what they already know. Pete tells him to be sure before he says the words.

Addison finishes up examining Kendra, so it's Rose's turn. Jake says it's sweet how they all get along. They figure out he wants to know about the sex. As they start talking about it, Addison notices something on the monitor.

Cooper can't understand why Mason did what he did at the store. Charlotte says Mason was testing him. Cooper has to know from his experience that when a kid without any major problems swipes something from a store, that's the case. Cooper says it's different when it's your own kid.

Jake tells Rose she has a scarred uterus secondary to pelvic tuberculosis. Jake says it's not active. Kendra thinks she got it when she was teaching in Chili a few years back. Jake says it means her body can't produce eggs or carry a fetus. Evan and Kendra comfort her. Kendra's tests are good, so she and Evan can conceive. Rose wonders what about her. Kendra says it would still be her child, but Rose doesn't feel that way. If she can't be a part of it, she doesn't want it anymore. She says they're just not having a baby.

Violet thinks the decision has to be unanimous, like in any other relationship. Jake says one can't just leave as they keep insisting they're a family. Violet says sometimes, families don't stay together. The truth is the triad is like the rest of them. They're facing an obstacle and have to work through it. Jake says having a baby is not just an obstacle, it's a deal breaker. Sam says having a baby is not rational, but instinctive. You either want one or you don't. Addison suggests they just give the triad some time to process the news. Hopefully, their relationship is strong enough to overcome it.

Charlotte heard Amelia's surgery went well. Amelia says it was like a riding a bike. Charlotte tells Amelia she's doing great. Amelia says it doesn't feel that way. Charlotte tells her to make her meetings and pray to whatever she believes in. A minute at a time.

Addison asks Violet how it's gonna work with Lucas when Pete's gets a place. Violet doesn't know. Addison says nobody knows anything, they just pretend to. Violet says she used to be good at pretending. She asks Addison about the birth mother. Addison thinks she was okay with it. Addison then gets a page: Melanie is in labor. Violet asks if Melanie chose her, but Addison doesn't know. However, it's a great sign that she had Addison paged. Addison runs off.

Pete and the guys are thinking about what kind of house he should get. The guys complain about the stress their women are giving them. Charlotte says she goes to the gun range to relieve her stress. Sheldon says he prefers to talk things through. She asks how that's working out for him. Sheldon hasn't shot a gun since basic training, but he's in. The other guys aren't.

Melanie is in pain as Addison comes in. Melanie says she asked for her as her mother isn't out of town and the baby's early. Addison says it's okay. The OB says the baby is coming out face first, which means it's gonna be harder for Melanie to push it out. The OB decides to use a vacuum assist, but it's not working. The OB wants to go to an OR, but Addison says there's no time as the baby's bradycardic. Addison steps in to replace the OB.

Addison decides to use rotational forceps. The OB asks if she knows about the risk. She says she'd only be worried about them if he were doing it in her place, as he's lacking her years of experience. Addison rotates the baby, which really hurts Melanie, and then tells Melanie to push on the next contraction. The baby comes out and Addison says baby girl's perfect.

Cooper sits down in Sam's office and tells him what Mason did. Sam tells him to punish Mason and move on. Cooper thinks he maybe should stay the good guy, the parent who doesn't punish. Erica's been there from the beginning and Mason expects the disciplining from her, but he could come to Cooper no matter how badly he screwed up. Sam says he could be that guy, or Mason's dad. Being a real parent is hard, and includes saying no and enforcing values. It's the hardest thing in the world.

Evan and Kendra are talking with Violet. Violet thinks Rose is also concerned about what it might do to the three of them. She may think they're sharing a bond that she's not a part of. Kendra and Evan say that would never happen, but Violet points out they're here without her. Kendra says they want to fix it. Violet asks if they're willing to compromise, as they told her that the relationship works because of the rules.

Charlotte and Sheldon are on the shooting range. He keeps talking about Amelia as Charlotte's shooting. He knows Amelia feels bad, so he wonders why he can't forgive her. Charlotte urges him to just pull the trigger. Sheldon does so and says it felt good. Charlotte tells him Amelia is in no shape to take care of his feelings right now. Charlotte knows he loves her, so he should love her enough and leave her alone. They continue shooting.

Addison is watching over Melanie and her baby and smiling.

Sheldon walks into the coffee room, where Amelia is reading. She notices the bandage around his hand and he explains he strained it at the shooting range. Amelia says it sounds fun and asks if she can come sometime. He says no, not any time soon. Amelia says she understands.

Rose asks Jake if there's anything that can be done to fix her. Jake says she's not broken. He gives her a drink and says they always find a way to make people parents. She asks if he is a father. He says yes, but not biologically. Rose says she doesn't want to lose them. She thinks the baby may change things. Jake says that if the love is real, it'll be able to withstand it. He then confesses he doesn't really believe that. Sometimes, life wins against love. Rose is afraid that her infertility will be life winning.

Mason asks Cooper if they can go to the pier. Cooper says they're not going there. Cooper says he saw Mason steal the cards. Mason wants to leave and wonders why he has to listen to the guy who just got his mom pregnant. Cooper says that tomorrow after school, he'll take Mason to the toy store so he can apologize to the owner. Then, he's gonna do his homework and he'll stay in his room until it's time for bed. It'll be like that for a week. Cooper is sure Erica will go along with it. Mason asks if they're still going to the movies. Cooper says no. Mason asks if he's even gonna see Cooper. Cooper says of course, he's never going away.

Kendra and Evan are in the waiting room. Rose and Jake come over and Rose says she wants a baby, so she's just gonna trust them. Evan thanks her, but Kendra says she can't do that. She really wants a baby too, but they have to be unanimous. They can use a surrogate or adopt. Evan says this is about his child. He loves the both of them, but he's not sure he can choose Rose over his baby.

Addison walks into Melanie's room. She's holding her baby. She didn't want to do that at first, but she did. She asks if Addison wants to hold her. Addison smiles and says yes. Melanie says meeting her has been incredible. Addison feels the same way. Melanie says this is hard. Addison says she can't even imagine. Melanie says it's crazy. She was so sure Addison was the perfect fit, and what she did for her and the baby was amazing. She's amazing. Someday, she wants to be just like Addison, but she's been thinking. When Addison is doing here, doing amazing things, who would be taking care of the baby? Melanie is sure she'd be an incredible mother, but the baby can slide right into the family from the church. Addison stops listening to Melanie.

Charlotte walks into Amelia's office and asks how she's doing. Amelia wants to crawl out of her skin. Amelia wants to turn back the clock. She wants Ryan to be alive and get sober with him. She wants to never have hurt the people she loves. Charlotte gets that. Amelia says she was hateful and awful to her. She doesn't even know why Charlotte is in here talking to her. Charlotte says she was like that too when she was using. Amelia thinks Sheldon hates her, but Charlotte says he doesn't. He loves her. There's a difference. It's subtle sometimes. Amelia wonders what to do. Charlotte says the next indicated action. That is going to a meeting, Amelia says.

Jake walks into Addison's office to talk about a case, but he notices something's up. She's not okay, but she also doesn't want to talk about it. She starts crying and Jake comforts her.

Charlotte comes home and finds Cooper smiling. Today, he is a father. Charlotte asks how it was. It was miserable for the both of them, Cooper says, and even more for him. Charlotte says she's proud of Cooper. They kiss and she climbs on top of him.

Violet opens the door for Pete. He gives her his key. He says he misses Lucas and he was wondering if he could put Lucas to bed. Violet says this is hard to say, but no. It's not about punishing him for the other morning. She hates these rules, but they need boundaries and consistency for Lucas. They can't blur the lines. Pete says he misses Lucas. Violet says he can call and she'll put him on the phone. Pete breaks down and says he can't lose Lucas, wherever they wind up. Violet promises she won't ever keep him from his son. He will always be Lucas's father, no matter what.

Addison is sitting on her deck, watching the ocean. Sam sits down with her. Addison says she didn't get the baby. Sam says he's sorry. "Right," she says. Sam knows how much it means to her and he is sorry for her disappointment. He loves her. Addison takes his hand and says she loves him too. Sam says they can't do this anymore. She knows. This is it. She confirms.

Addison tells her therapist she wanted a baby and she wanted Sam, and she got neither. She wonders how that's fair. The therapist says this doesn't mean she'll never get a baby. Addison wonders how she can believe in anything ever again. She wonders why love is just not enough. Her therapist says she has to face the loss and deal with the disappointment. Addison shakes her head and says she doesn't want to.


Main Cast[]

Guest Stars[]


Medical Notes[]

Addison Forbes Montgomery[]

  • Diagnosis:
  • Doctors:
    • Therapist
  • Treatment:
    • Talk therapy

Addison talked to her therapist about feeling like things are out of her control. After missing out on a baby, she wondered how love can't be enough.

Rose, Kendra Templeton, and Evan[]

  • Diagnosis:
    • Rose
      • Scarred uterus
      • Ovarian failure
      • Pelvic tuberculosis
  • Treatment:

Rose, Kendra, and Evan were a polyamorous couple hoping to have a baby. In order to achieve this, they wanted to use Rose's egg and Kendra would carry the baby so they could all take part in the experience. They lied to Jake and said that Kendra and Rose were the intended parents and Evan was just a sperm donor. He asked them to talk to one of their therapists. They agreed when he insisted and talked to Violet. In therapy, they confessed that they had lied and were polyamorous. Addison examined Kendra and everything looked good, but when it was Rose's turn, Addison saw uterine scarring and ovarian failure secondary to pelvic tuberculosis, meaning she was completely infertile. Despite Kendra being healthy, Rose said they wouldn't go forward unless all three of them could be a part of it. While Kendra and Evan spoke to Violet again about why Rose was feeling the way she was, Rose went to Jake to ask about possible solutions. He assured her she wasn't broken. She later went to Kendra and Evan and said that they could have a baby, but Kendra said she didn't want it to be like that. Evan continued to insist that he wanted a biological child.

Amelia's Patient[]

  • Diagnosis:
    • Obstructive neurosarcoid
  • Treatment:
    • Surgery

Charlotte asked Amelia to scrub in on a patient with an obstructive neurosarcoid, her first surgery since rehab. It went well.

Melanie White[]

  • Diagnosis:
    • Pregnancy
  • Treatment:
    • Vaginal delivery

Melanie was a prospective birth mom for Addison. She went into labor early. The baby was face up and progression slowed, so the OB suggested a c-secton. But Addison stepped in and repositioned the baby with forceps. It worked and the baby was delivered.


Song Performer Scene
"Fires" David Ramirez
  • In therapy, Addison says she thinks life happens. She confirms she's had a lot of disappointment lately.
  • Addison's moving all her stuff back to her own house for a social worker.
  • Amelia tells Charlotte she wants to go back in time to change things.
  • Jake comforts Addison as she breaks down.
  • Cooper tells Charlotte he was a real father today. She rewards him with sex.
  • Violet refuses to let Pete see Lucas now, but promises she won't ever keep him from his son wherever they end up.
  • Addison tells Sam she didn't get the baby. He's sorry for her. They agree to have to break up.
  • In therapy, Addison says she lost a baby and Sam. She wonders how love can be not enough. She does not want to deal with the disappointment.
"We'll Begin Tomorrow" Release the Sunbird
  • Charlotte and Amelia talk about getting back on track. Charlotte reminds her to take it a minute at a time.
  • Addison and Violet talk about Violet's marriage and the birth mother Addison met. Addison gets paged to her room.
  • The men talk about their frustrations. Charlotte advises the gun range to get rid of them. Sheldon decides to join her.
  • Addison delivers the baby herself.
"I'm Gonna Love You Too" Jenny O
  • Charlotte and Sheldon let go of their worries at the shooting range.
  • Charlotte advises him to leave Amelia alone.
  • Addison looks at a baby.

Notes and Trivia[]

  • This episode scored 7.71 million viewers.
  • This episode's title likely originated from the children's book Are You My Mother?, written by P.D. Eastman.


Episode Stills[]

Behind the Scenes[]


Addison: I used to think I was in control of everything. Now, I think life happens and it's our job to just to try to keep up, try to ride it out, try to survive.

Jake: I think love is a powerful force. It puts up a hell of a fight, but sometimes life rises up and wins.

See Also[]

A complete overview of this episode's crew can be found here.