| “ | There's a moment I've noticed in the OR, especially when a patient is going south. You're working so hard you lose yourself. All of your problems, your relationships, career goals, your fears, they all just fade away. It's not even you and your patient. It's you and yourself, your hands, your skill. You might call it muscle memory or being in the zone. But whatever you call it, it's rare. And you never want it to end. Those moments when everything fades away, you're at your best. But there's a problem with disappearing into the work. You can't save every patient. And if surgery is all you have, no matter how great you are, eventually you're going to disintegrate. As nice as it is to lose all your worries, you also lose the good. And if you hope to have any kind of life worth living, you're definitely going to need the good. | ” |
Good as Hell is the thirteenth episode of the seventeenth season and the 376th overall episode of Grey's Anatomy.
Short Summary[]
Amidst the need for more surgeons, Jo tries to convince Bailey to let her switch specialties. Elsewhere, Link accuses Amelia of overstepping while he is treating a patient remotely, and Winston comes up with an out-of-the-box idea.
Full Summary[]
Meredith walks on the beach. She sits and looks out at the ocean. When she sees Derek walking toward her, she smiles and they walk together.
Owen waits for Teddy as she exits an on-call room. He tells her the kids are with his mom and they're fine She just finished her virtual therapy session. Owen was waiting for Teddy because he has something to show her.
Maggie joins Winston and several others in the hallway. Her shift ended a while ago, but she went to check on Meredith and there's still no change. Winston is certain she'll get better, just like Jennilynn. Maggie points out that he didn't know Jennilynn, but he says Jennilynn was his favorite ICU nurse. Cormac wheels her out of her room and announces that she's going home.
Outside the hospital, Owen and Teddy join the crowd as Jennilynn is wheeled out after six weeks in the hospital with COVID. She's their tenth discharge in a week, which makes Bailey happy. Richard remembers hiring Jennilynn. Owen asks Teddy if she's okay and she walks away after saying it should be Meredith.
Jo and Levi approach the hospital. He hates ER days because everything is so urgent. Jo asks what movie they're watching tonight. He says she can watch what she wants because he'll be with Nico. Movie days are a new thing she wants to do because her sex friend is gone. Jo is worried because she has to talk to Bailey about switching to OB. Richard told her exactly what to say, but she's still nervous. Levi says he'll cancel his plans when she actually does it because she's been avoiding it for days. As they walk inside, Nico gives Levi his bag. He left it behind. Levi says he could have gotten it later, but Nico says it was in the way, which wouldn't happen if he'd give Levi a drawer at his place.
Link is doing a virtual post-op visit with Felix Pelgado, who had surgery four months ago. His arm is still stiff when he throws and he thought he'd be pitching again in the fall. Amelia comes in, asking if Link has heard from anyone from the hospital. When she realizes he's with a patient, she starts to back out, but then notices something on the screen that makes her stop. She takes the computer and asks Felix about some weakness in his right arm she noticed. She tells Link a neurological issue could end more than his career. She starts to run Felix through some maneuvers.
Teddy reports that Meredith's vitals have been steady and x-rays have shown improvement in her lungs. There's no reason she shouldn't be able to stay awake. Winston says her labs showed elevated liver enzymes, so they ordered a CT of her chest and abdomen. Richard says they're seeing more patients who seem to be out of the woods only to crash later. They can't let that happen to Meredith.
Meredith asks Derek if he was in pain. He says the worst part was knowing they were getting it wrong. He didn't want to leave Meredith, but at a certain point the desire to rest outweighed the desire to stay. Meredith understood that and gave him permission to go. She gave him everything he needed until his last breath.
Jo asks if Bailey needs more time to think about it. Bailey says she doesn't. She's decided and her answer is no. Jo tries to explain why she wants to change specialties. Bailey says she signed a contract as a general surgery attending and it has a few years left on it. She needs surgeons because she's lost so many. They can revisit the topic after the pandemic is over, but for now, her answer is no.
Link says Felix is heading for the hospital. Amelia checks that he's set up for his MRI. Link says he would have caught the deficit, but they'd just started the call and he was focused on the shoulder. Amelia knows that. Amelia's ready to leave but Maggie's not there yet, which only means one of them should have to stay. Amelia hasn't operated in over a month and would like it to be her case. Link knows she's trying to distract herself from Meredith's condition. Just then, Maggie arrives and Amelia and Link both rush out.
In the ER, Bailey asks Erika Swift if rollerskating is a new hobby for her. She says it is and she was killing it until she hit the railing. Nico asks Levi to order x-rays of her lower leg to check for fracture. Bailey sets up to do an abdominal ultrasound. Erika's pleased because she's lost fifty pounds in quarantine. She had a sedentary life before, but when COVID hit, she decided to quit her job and spend time with her kids. Then she opened a business making peanut brittle. The ultrasound shows bleeding, so Bailey orders a CT to check how severe it is. Once Bailey's out of the room, Erika secretly gives Levi some peanut brittle to try.
Winston talks to Meredith, whom he's only met on the phone. He wants her to wake up and congratulate him for getting engaged to Maggie.
Meredith wants Derek to come closer, but she's worried she won't leave if she gets closer. She reminds Derek that his dad died when he was young and he was okay. Kids learn to be okay. Derek says sometimes when that happens, it makes kids stronger and sometimes you get Amelia. Meredith says Amelia is doing great, which he knows. Derek reminds Meredith that people love her and need her. She says she's tired, but he knows she's still fighting because her soul won't let him near her. She asks if he's seen the last one or two years and if that was hard for him. He says it's harder watching her be lonely. He wants to say she's beautiful, but that feels shallow. She tells him to say pretty on the inside, which is what she tells Zola to say. He says she's pretty on the inside.
Tom asks how Meredith is doing and Teddy updates him. There's still a lot they don't know about COVID and new information is coming in every day. Teddy says they don't know how it'll affect patients long-term. She lists possible issues until she remembers that Tom had COVID and stops to apologize. He says she's just stating facts and leaves.
Owen angrily shoves a computer into the hallway. He tells Richard one of his COVID patients went into cardiac arrest and died. She was only 37 years old, a kindergarten teacher who ran 10Ks for charity. Richard thought she'd be going home that week. Owen thought so, too, and now he has to call her family. He steps down the hall into the stairwell and calls her mother. As he tries to deliver the news, he starts crying and has to take a moment.
Bailey catches Levi with the open bag of peanut brittle. He claims he wasn't eating it, just sniffing it, but she tells him to do that on his own time in his own home. He says his home smells like unwashed laundry. He's impressed by Erika for leaving a successful career to follow her passion. She made lemonade out of a deadly disease. Bailey disagrees and tells Levi if she does such a thing to throw a net over her. Erika's scan comes up.
Link is examining Felix and reassuring him. Amelia comes in and Felix notices she looks worried while Link says he's going to be fine. Link says baseball is Felix's life. It got him into junior college and it's his only chance to attend a Division I school. Felix asks her what she'd do if she suddenly couldn't be a surgeon anymore. Tom then comes in with Felix's MRI results. The doctors step out into the hallway to check them.
Tom says Felix has a meningioma at C6-7. Amelia takes the tablet from him and starts forming a surgical plan. Link reminds Amelia she has a lot going on and it's been a long time since she's operated, but Amelia insists that she's not that rusty. She tells Tom he can go and Link can comfort Felix if he wants to help.
Cormac comes to round on Luna and asks how they're doing. Jo starts to talk about how she's feeling about Bailey's statements. Cormac actually meant Luna, but is glad to know that as well. Jo says Luna is a bright spot in a sea of misery. She tells Cormac about wanting to change specialties. He agrees that it's a bad time, but says everything will sort itself out once Meredith is back on her feet. Jo's not convinced she'll make it and updates Cormac on her latest labs. Visiting Luna is her way of reminding herself there's more to life than misery and death. She leaves so Cormac can examine Luna.
Richard asks Teddy and Winston to tell him they found something. They show him her scans, specifically a clot in her liver. They need to remove it quickly. They need to do a TIPS procedure, but Winston doesn't want to do it. He wants Teddy to do it. Richard asks if she's sure she's up for it. She says it's a simple procedure and she'll book an IR suite. Meredith doesn't have time for Richard to question if she's ready.
Teddy is scrubbing in when Owen comes in. Richard told him what was happening and asked if Teddy was okay to operate. Owen said she was fine and there was no one better, but also said if it didn't work, she might never recover. Owen tells her about losing the patient and crying on the phone calling her family. He's never done that before in his whole career. It's embarrassing. After everything he's seen, losing a kindergarten teacher put him over the edge because COVID. Teddy asks Owen to page Winston and continues scrubbing.
Amelia hesitates before starting Felix's surgery. Link, up in the gallery, uses the intercom to assure her she can do it. She stands in the superhero pose. In the gallery, James asks Link what she's doing and Link says she's getting ready to crush it.
Winston asks Teddy if something happened. She says no, he'll be joining her. Meredith is everyone's family, but they can't focus on that. They need to help each other do what they know how to do. No ego and no questions are too stupid to ask. They're going to remove the clot. They step up to start the procedure.
Meredith tells Derek about a picture Ellis draws of their wedding, with Meredith in a dress and Derek in a suit. Meredith showed her the post-it, but she hates it. She feels robbed, which Derek says she gets from his mother. Suddenly, they're in a dress and suit. Meredith hates weddings, but she would give the memory to Ellis if she could. She asks Derek what he wants her to promise and he asks her to torture herself less. They each lean in closer, but Meredith says she doesn't want to leave the kids. He doesn't want that either. He leans even closer.
Maggie finds Zola in her room. Her math teacher said she signed out of class early and Maggie asks if she's okay. Zola says she's mad at everything. Maggie asks if she saw the news about the protests. She did and her teachers have tried to talk about it, but they never seem to know what to say. Maggie asks if she wants to go to a protest and she says she doesn't want to go without her mom. Her mom would be angry, too, but she doesn't even know what's going on. Maggie says a way she's learned to help her with difficult emotions is to scream. She encourages Zola to scream, even though it'll wake Scout. They scream together and then hug.
Levi tells Erika she has a rectus sheath hematoma, so they need to keep her for observation, to make sure the bleeding doesn't get worse. Nico tells her her leg will heal nicely without surgery, but she'll need a cast for about six weeks. She says she can make brittle from a chair. Erika realizes Bailey thinks she's crazy for making peanut brittle. She tells Bailey about a poem she read in high school about a woman who stood near a cliff, but was afraid to go too close to the edge for fear of falling. Then someone pushed her and she started flying. The cliff is a metaphor for what they're afraid will happen. She couldn't see that until she took the jump. As she speaks, she starts slurring her words. They realize she's bleeding more seriously and start moving her to the OR for surgery.
Meredith's numbers are improving, but she's still sleeping. Teddy's worried because they've given her time and they removed the clot and she's still not waking up. Teddy abruptly leaves to take a walk.
Bailey and Levi operated on Erika. She asks if he knows how a pearl is formed. She explains that it starts with a grain of sand. The oyster doesn't like it, so it coats it, but that makes it bigger and more annoying. The process continues until a pearl has formed. The pandemic is the sand. It's pushed its way into all their homes, but that doesn't mean it has to ruin everything. Maybe it's an opportunity to transform and Erika had the right idea. Levi says that's like what Jo is doing. Bailey's upset with him for bringing that up.
Amelia has removed Felix's tumor. Up in the gallery, Tom finds Link still watching her operate. Link's living vicariously through her while Tom is watching because she's fun to watch. Link asks what he's heard about Meredith and he says he doesn't know anything. He tries to avoid that entire wing. He wonders when it gets to be too much and when they get to scream at God. They wonder together what kind of a sick joke this is.
Owen finds Teddy in a room. She starts to panic that something has gone wrong with Meredith and he tries to reassure her that that won't happen. Owen sits down and tries to calm her down. She leans over and kisses him, but he stops her, saying she needs to feel what she's feeling.
Winston finds Richard watching Meredith in her room and suggests that he leave because it's Winston's first day and he wants to try something that might get him fired.
Maggie refuses instantly, but Richard asks her to hear Winston out. She says Zola is already traumatized and Maggie won't bring her to the hospital. Winston says hearing and feeling her daughter might help. Maggie says that's too much to put on a child, but Winston says all she'll know is that she's visiting her mom, which she wants to do already. Zola suddenly comes into the kitchen and Maggie tells them she'll call them back. Zola tells Maggie she wants to go.
Felix asks if they got all of it and Amelia says they did. He checks his arms and is able to lift each of them easily.
As they leave Felix's room, Amelia says she needs Scout. Link misses him, too, but Amelia says her breasts hurt, so she needs to nurse or pump or both.
Levi is checking on Erika, who is doing well. She asks how long it'll be until she can work again. Levi says she'll be back in brittle business in no time, but she actually meant real work. She wants to go back to her old job if someone will hire her. Quarantine was a nice vacation, but she needs to be realistic. She wonders what she was thinking. Bailey suggests she was thinking the world had more to offer. She tells Erika that she's allowed to rest and take a break, no matter what the world has tried to teach her. Bailey was forgetting that herself until she met Erika.
Cormac brings Richard a gown, saying it's the smallest they have, and asks who it's for. He sees Zola walking up with Maggie and realizes what they're doing. He's fine if it gets tracked back to him.
Zola puts on the gown and a KN95. They lead her to Meredith's room and encourage her to go in. She runs to Meredith's bedside and starts talking to her. Then she hugs her.
Jo has been paged to Bailey's office. Bailey says her answer is no and Jo reminds her that she already said that. Bailey means that no, she won't make her stay at a job that no longer fulfills her. If she has to hire another general surgeon, she will, but that's her problem. She just tells Jo to love it with every part of her.
Nico asks Levi how Erika is doing. Levi says Nico is standing on a cliff and he's scared. He won't give Levi a drawer at his place because he's scared, but it's not the end of the world to carve out a little space for him. Nico asks Levi to move in with him, because Levi's right. He loves Levi and wants him to move in. Levi suddenly says he can't come over because Jo is sad about Jackson leaving and he promised her they'd hang out. He runs over to Jo, who is happy to report that Bailey said yes and confused that Levi isn't spending the evening with Nico.
Link and Amelia come home to find Bailey and Ellis playing in a fort in the living room. Link asks if he can come in, but he doesn't guess the password correctly. Amelia wants to go check on Scout, but Maureen says he just fell asleep after eating. Link and Amelia are surprised she's there. Bailey asks if Zola was able to wake up their mom.
Winston tells Richard there's no change in Meredith. Richard says no matter what happens, he's grateful that Winston did something. Winston wants Meredith to live. He hasn't really met her yet. She's not just Maggie's sister. She's Dr. Meredith Grey. She has to live.
Maggie and Teddy are watching Zola and Meredith through the window when Bailey comes up to them. She says what they did was a good idea.
Zola tells Meredith about Ellis.
Teddy says she needs the year to get better and Bailey agrees. Amelia joins them. She's worried something happened with Meredith. Amelia has a moment of panic and says she needs Meredith to live.
Derek and Meredith stand together on the beach. Derek tells her it's not time yet. She tells him there's no pain here. He says he even misses the pain. He tells her she has to go. She says she's tired, but it's not her time yet. Their kids need her.
Zola tells Meredith about Ellis and Bailey coming into her room at night. Meredith wakes up and tells Zola that's nice. Zola happily hugs her. Zola tells her mom she loves her. Meredith replies that they love her, too.
Outside, the other adults celebrate.
Derek walks away on the beach.
Cast[]
Main Cast[]
- Ellen Pompeo as Dr. Meredith Grey
- Chandra Wilson as Dr. Miranda Bailey
- James Pickens, Jr. as Dr. Richard Webber
- Kevin McKidd as Dr. Owen Hunt
- Jesse Williams as Dr. Jackson Avery (credit only)
- Caterina Scorsone as Dr. Amelia Shepherd
- Camilla Luddington as Dr. Jo Wilson
- Kelly McCreary as Dr. Maggie Pierce
- Giacomo Gianniotti as Dr. Andrew DeLuca (credit only)
- Kim Raver as Dr. Teddy Altman
- Greg Germann as Dr. Tom Koracick
- Jake Borelli as Dr. Levi Schmitt
- Chris Carmack as Dr. Atticus Lincoln
- Richard Flood as Dr. Cormac Hayes
- Anthony Hill as Dr. Winston Ndugu
Special Guest Star[]
Guest Stars[]
- Alex Landi as Dr. Nico Kim
- Bess Armstrong as Maureen Lincoln
- Christine Horn as Erika Swift
- Robert I. Mesa as Dr. James Chee
- Aniela Gumbs as Zola Grey Shepherd
- Michael Blake Kruse as Felix Pelgado
Co-Starring[]
- Jung Park as Jennilynn Mandap
- Ella Faris & Gracie Faris as Little Ellis
- Brody Goodstadt & Ryder Goodstadt as Bailey
Medical Notes[]
Meredith Grey[]
- Diagnosis:
- COVID-19
- Filling defect
- Clot
- Doctors:
- Teddy Altman (cardiothoracic surgeon)
- Winston Ndugu (cardiothoracic surgeon)
- Treatment:
- TIPS procedure
Meredith was still sleeping most of the time, though her x-rays showed improvement and her oxygen requirements had lessened. Her labs showed elevated liver enzymes, so they ordered labs and CTs of her chest and abdomen. Her chest CT was clear, but her abdominal CT revealed a filling defect in her IVC and hepatic vein and a clot in her liver, which explained why she wasn't able to stay awake. They planned a TIPS procedure to remove the clot. Afterward, her numbers improved, but she was still sleeping, so they brought Zola in to talk to her. While Zola was talking to her, she woke up.
Felix Pelgado[]
- Diagnosis:
- Meningioma
- Doctors:
- Atticus Lincoln (orthopedic surgeon)
- Amelia Shepherd (neurosurgeon)
- Tom Koracick (neurosurgeon)
- Treatment:
- Laminectomy
Felix had had surgery on his shoulder four months prior. During a post-op visit, Felix expressed frustration that he wasn't able to pitch as he had before. Link reminded him that the tear was large. During his visit, Amelia noticed weakness on his right side when he struggled to open a water bottle. She asked him several follow-up questions about his health and then had him come to the hospital for an MRI. The MRI showed a meningioma in his neck, so he had surgery to remove it. Afterward, his strength was improved.
Erika Swift[]
- Diagnosis:
- Tibia/fibula fracture
- Rectus sheath hematoma
- Doctors:
- Miranda Bailey (general surgeon)
- Nico Kim (orthopedic surgeon)
- Levi Schmitt (surgical resident)
- Treatment:
- Exploratory laparotomy
- Casting
Erika had recently taken up rollerskating. She was skating when she ran into a railing. Bailey and Nico examined her in the ER and ordered tibia/fibula x-rays for a suspected fracture and an abdominal ultrasound. She had some bleeding under her abdominal muscles, so Bailey ordered a CT, which showed a rectus sheath hematoma. She was told she'd need to be observed to make sure the bleeding didn't get worse. She also needed a cast on her leg, which was broken. While they observed her, she started bleeding more seriously, so they took her into surgery. After surgery, she was stable and awake.
Carolyn Hexton[]
- Diagnosis:
- COVID-19
- Arrhythmias
- Doctors:
- Owen Hunt (trauma surgeon)
- Richard Webber (general surgeon)
- Treatment:
Carolyn, 37, was in the hospital with COVID. She'd been improving and was expected to go home, but then suddenly went into cardiac arrest and died.
Luna Ashton[]
- Diagnosis:
- Prematurity
- Doctors:
- Cormac Hayes (pediatric surgeon)
- Treatment:
Luna was trending upward in the NICU.
Music[]
| Song | Performer | Scene |
|---|---|---|
| "Quiet & Cold" | Brother Bird, Tim Bruns |
|
| "Faith" | Valerie Broussard |
|
| "Firefall" | Bjéar |
|
| "No Ordinary" | Labrinth |
|
| "Don't Fail Me Now" | Judith Hill |
|
Notes and Trivia[]
- This episode's title originated from the song Good as Hell, originally sung by Lizzo.
- This episode scored 4.81 million viewers.[1]
- This marks the fourth and final appearance of Derek Shepherd for the season. It is the first time that Patrick Dempsey is credited as a special guest star rather than a regular guest star.
- It is also the first time that Aniela Gumbs is credited as a guest star, having been credited as a co-star for all her previous appearances.
- The song "Faith" by Valerie Broussard was previously heard on the Station 19 episode Crazy Train.
- Goof: Some of Meredith's abdominal CT images show a spleen while she underwent a splenectomy in Perfect Storm.
Gallery[]
Episode Stills[]
Behind the Scenes[]
Quotes[]
See Also[]
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A complete overview of this episode's crew can be found here. |
| Grey's Anatomy Season 17 | ||||||
| #01 | "All Tomorrow's Parties" | #07 | "Helplessly Hoping" | #13 | "Good as Hell" | |
| #02 | "The Center Won't Hold" | #08 | "It's All Too Much" | #14 | "Look Up Child" | |
| #03 | "My Happy Ending" | #09 | "In My Life" | #15 | "Tradition" | |
| #04 | "You'll Never Walk Alone" | #10 | "Breathe" | #16 | "I'm Still Standing" | |
| #05 | "Fight the Power" | #11 | "Sorry Doesn't Always Make It Right" | #17 | "Someone Saved My Life Tonight" | |
| #06 | "No Time for Despair" | #12 | "Sign O' the Times" | |||
| << Season 16 | Season 18 >> | |||||