| “ | When a patient receives a terminal diagnosis, a clock starts. In an instant, the future becomes finite. Doctors do their best to predict life expectancy based on median survival, the period of time after diagnosis when half of patients with the disease are still alive. But statistics can't tell you if you'll host Thanksgiving dinner or attend your grandkid's recital. You're left to wonder, how is it possible to feel alive when science tells you you're dying? After a terminal diagnosis, it's hard to trust the good days when every second, the clock is counting down. But what if you stop fixating on what you will lose rather than what you already have? Can you take this moment, just this moment, and breath it in? | ” |
I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For is the eleventh episode of the twenty-first season and the 441st overall episode of Grey's Anatomy.
Short Summary[]
Following a difficult case, the team faces the complexities of medical ethics. Meanwhile, Bailey continues to navigate her working relationship with Ben, while a group of college students on a scavenger hunt causes chaos around the hospital.
Full Summary[]
As Evynn watches from the gallery, Meredith gets gowned and gloved and Nick puts the donor liver in a perfusion box. The orderlies take Tasha out of the OR.
Catherine tells Richard that Evynn has lost her mind. He points out that Evynn is her protégée. Catherine is angry at him for throwing that in her face. Nick and Meredith soon join them, as Meredith says they have to inform the transplant committee. They approved Tasha under false pretenses. Nick says they have a little time to make the decision, but the liver won't last much longer. Nick wants Catherine to explain the situation to the committee, but she won't vouch for Tasha again. Meredith says they consider life expectancy. Someone without Alzheimer's would live much longer with the liver. Nick doesn't think that having Alzheimer's should preclude someone from getting a life-saving transplant. They decide to tell the committee and Catherine goes to do that.
Molly's phone chimes repeatedly as Benson finishes making her breakfast. She tells him it's Dave, who isn't handling the breakup well. Benson feels bad for him because he knows what it's like to lose Molly. Simone and Lucas come in, happy to see the breakfast spread. They jump into action when Molly starts seizing, keeping her from hitting anything.
Teddy tells Owen about the presentation she has to do on the hospital's endowment. She sees that he's on his phone and asks about it. He tells her it's Nora, who has been doing the exercises Teddy prescribed and can now jog a mile. Teddy's glad to hear that. Three college students run past them and they immediately know they're from the Washington Union scavenger hunt. Owen is excited, while Teddy is worried about the security of the hospital with them attempting to steal things. Owen's own team got third place back in the day. They hear someone calling for help and race over to where Andrea is on the ground with Cameron and Dev above her. They say she just collapsed. While Teddy and Owen are examining her, Cameron snatches Teddy's ID badge off her bag. As Teddy calls for security, Andrea gets up, saying she feels much better, and she and Dev run after Cameron. Teddy is aggravated while Owen encourages them.
Amelia goes to see Bailey, who asked to see her. She's worried she's in trouble, but Bailey says she's looking at Ben's performance review. And she hasn't been working with Ben on purpose so she can't accurately assess his assessment. She wants to work with him to get a sense of his performance and asks Amelia to swap residents with her to make that happen. Amelia agrees, but has no advice to give Bailey on working with family.
Simone asks Lucas if he wants to go to trivia at Joe's with her. He's not sure he wants to be on her team because some of the guys still don't talk to him after last time. Simone also asks Jules, who says no, she's going home after work.
Benson goes to Ben, who is on Amelia's service, and asks him to get his friend a neuro consult. Ben tells him to page neurology, but he wants Ben to have Amelia take a look at her. When Benson says she had a seizure, Ben gets more interested, but Bailey comes and tells Simone to go upstairs to monitor a transplant patient for Nick and tells Ben and Lucas they're being swapped. Ben is happy to be working with Bailey and says maybe they can grab lunch together. She says she's not his wife today, but his attending. Once they walk away, Benson turns to Lucas, who says he can't ask his aunt to squeeze Molly in today. He suggests taking Molly to the ER. Benson says Lucas could do the workup himself and offers to help. Lucas says he'll throw Benson under the bus if they get caught.
Ben and Bailey go into the room of Lisa Saito, who has jaundice and abdominal pain because of liver damage caused by overuse of acetaminophen. She explains that she takes it often, but when she got some extra strength for the extra pain caused by moving encyclopedias, she didn't realize the dosage was so different. They're giving her medicine to prevent further damage and are monitoring her to see if her liver can heal itself. Bailey starts to order labs. Ben cuts her off, but she tells him to order exactly what she asked for and get a rush on it.
Simone presents Tasha's case. Tasha starts to get up from her bed, believing she has to go to class. Evynn tells her it's okay and she doesn't have to leave. Evynn steps away from her to ask Meredith, Nick, and Richard if Catherine knows there's a liver in a box that could safe her wife's life. They tell her she knows and she's not happy about what Evynn has done. Evynn didn't have a choice. Meredith says withholding medical information isn't fair to other people on the transplant list, but Evynn says nothing about Alzheimer's is fair. Nick says he'll recommend that they proceed and Evynn thanks him. Meredith leaves the room.
Nick follows Meredith out and they step into a supply closer, where they find Dev, Andrea, and Cameron, rifling through supplies. They grab an IV pole and run out. Meredith says she knows when he looks at Tasha, he sees a possible future Meredith, but Meredith doesn't need saving. Nick says not everything is about her and it's possible someone got this wrong. Tasha's only 41 years old. He'd like them to do their own workup before she's denied life-saving surgery. Meredith is offended that he thinks she doesn't know what Alzheimer's looks like, giving it's her life's work. He says transplants are his.
Winston and Jules look at his patient's MRI. They both get notifications not to allow unauthorized persons into secure areas and know it's about the scavenger hunt. Jules hates the idea, but Winston was a work hard, play harder kind of guy. Jules just wanted to work hard to get out of her parents' house. They hear the door start to open and warn that the MRI is on. It's too late and Cameron opens the door. The IV pole he's holding gets sucked into the MRI, pinning him to it. Jules calls for help and reaches for the emergency shut-off, but Winston says not to turn it off until they can brace him. He goes over to see to Cameron.
Once they have Cameron braced, Winston has Jules shut the MRI off. Nurse Karen moves the IV pole away from them and they get Cameron on the ground to examine him. Jules sees that he has Teddy's ID badge on him. He has bruising on his abdomen. Owen comes in and says they need to get him on a gurney and move him to a trauma room for an exam. As he's wheeled out, Cameron tells Andrea and Dev to finish the hunt. Jules asks if there's a cash prize, but it's just for the glory. He tells the kids he went to Washington Union and placed third his senior year. They get the final clue and Dev and Andrea go to look for it. Karen says she's going to give security a head's up about them, but Owen wants her to go tell CT they'll be coming soon. He wants to give them a little head start.
Molly asks if Benson's sure they won't get in trouble. He says they might, but she won't. They take some supplies into an exam room and Lucas asks about her seizures. She says she's had them since the accident. Some medications work for a while, but then they stop. It looks like her current one isn't working anymore. He says they'll run an EEG and go from there.
Amelia leaves Tasha's room and tells Nick she has no reason to believe it's anything other than Alzheimer's. Tasha's the youngest person he's seen with it, which shouldn't happen. Amelia says younger patients hold clues to the disease and she's hopeful they'll be able to use that if they ever get funding again.
Another doctor lets Teddy into the lounge and she explains that the scavenger hunt kids stole hers and she hasn't had time to get a new one. She's surprised to find Cass on the couch. Cass kept her badge from when she helped out. She had the day off and David has a colonoscopy. Teddy tells Cass that between everything, she has to put together a slideshow about the hospital's endowment. Cass says she just did one of those for her kid's biology class and offers to do Teddy's, too. She makes it clear she's serious. Teddy thanks her and Cass hands over her badge, saying Teddy needs it more than she does.
Ben brings Bailey Lisa's labs. They're not good. Her liver is failing. They hear Lisa yell and see her throw something at the window. They go in to find Nurse James trying to calm her down. He was trying to give her some medicine and she is refusing. She has hepatic encephalopathy, so they need to move her to the ICU and call UNOS.
Bailey explains Lisa's condition over the phone. When she hangs up, she tells Ben there's a possible liver in the hospital. They're still deliberating over it. They run into Meredith and Bailey asks if Nick will consult about a liver transplant. Meredith thinks they're talking about Tasha says they're waiting for the committee to decide if they're going to allocate it to another patient. Bailey realizes what's happening with the liver. Meredith says the committee is meeting now and should have a decision soon. She walks away and Ben says Lisa needs the liver and wonders if they should talk to the committee. Bailey says no, it's not their business. It's their decision. She sends him to get Lisa settled in the ICU.
Lucas reviews Molly's EEG and says there's definitely increased activity. They could try adjusting her medication. Amelia comes in and finds them. She sees what they're doing and calls Lucas and Benson into the hallway after they can't answer her questions about Molly.
Outside Amelia tells Lucas and Benson that when you sneak patients in, you need to put them in the farthest room from the nurses' station or you're just asking to get caught. They say they'll be more careful next time. Amelia looks at Molly's EEG.
Bailey checks on the liver, but there's still no decision. Nick says they have to decide soon or the liver won't be viable anymore. Ben walks out of the room where they're meeting and Bailey says she told him to leave it alone. He says he just offered to answer any questions they had about Lisa. As they talk about the situation, Catherine comes out of the room and says the committee has decided to allocate the liver to Lisa. Nick doesn't understand how Meredith, who spends all her time finding ways around protocols, is okay with this. She tells him it was the ethical thing to do and he says she can be the one to tell Evynn then.
Owen's waiting for Cameron's CT and tells Winston and Jules he's trying to crack the last clue for the scavenger hunt. Cameron's scan comes up and shows a splenic laceration. They need to get him to the I.R. suite and embolize.
Evynn is upset that Tasha's not getting the liver. And she thinks Meredith is so focused on her research that she's lost sight of the patients. She helped hand Tasha a death sentence. As Evynn goes to tend to Tasha, Meredith says it wasn't her decision.
Cameron asks if there's any news from his team. Jules didn't check. Owen explains the risks of his procedure and Cameron signs consent. Winston offers to call his girlfriend with updates. He says Andrea is just a friend and wonders if he seems like he's in love with her. Then he wonders if Andrea knows and Winston encourages Cameron to tell him. Owen's worried it's too risky because they're roommates, but Winston points out that he and Teddy were friends first. They encourage him to take his shot, but be prepared for it not to go his way. Cameron wants to borrow a phone, but Winston says they'll find her and bring her to him.
Teddy comes into her office, where Cass is working. Teddy owes her and Cass says she'll take a spa day. Teddy then vents about her day and having to get the MRI machine repaired. Cass is jealous that someone got to push the red button because she's always wanted to. Teddy asks how it is that Cass is always at the hospital when it's falling apart. Cass disagrees that it's falling apart because she works at a hospital that's falling apart. Grey Sloan is great. Teddy offers her a second spa day, but Cass says she should give it to herself instead. Teddy gets up to go check on security.
Benson tells Amelia about his relationship with Molly. Amelia looks at Molly's scan and diagnosis temporal-lobe epilepsy. She tells Molly about this and suggests surgery to treat it. She's had success with that. Molly isn't interested. She doesn't want any more surgeries. Benson doesn't like that, but Molly doesn't want to risk losing her memory again. When Benson starts to argue with her, Amelia sends him out of the room.
Nick comes to Bailey about the transplant, making sure she's prepared. She's sorry his patient isn't getting it, but Nick says she did nothing wrong. Simone tells Nick she needs to go over Tasha's discharge with Evynn, but Evynn went to the cafeteria, so Tasha doesn't know yet. Simone asks about Meredith's research and he says they're looking for more funding. Simone appreciates that because her grandma has it and is currently living happily in her nursing home. It could change any day, but for now, she's happy.
Jules brings Andrea and Dev to see Cameron, who is about to have his procedure. Cameron asks Dev to leave, but when Dev questions that, he asks him to turn around instead. Then he tells Andrea he's in love with her. As he continues his confession, he becomes unstable and they have to rush him to the OR.
Cass gives Teddy the completed slideshow. Teddy is grateful. Cass needs to go find David because they pushed his colonoscopy to the end of the day, so he's probably bribing the nurses for food. Teddy proposes Saturday for the spa day, but Cass thinks it's a bad idea for them to go together. She's trying to respect Teddy's boundaries. She tells Teddy to let her know when she figures it out.
Cameron is in surgery. They need to remove his spleen to stop the bleeding. Jules wonders if anyone has died because of the scavenger hunt. Owen doesn't know anyone who has. They agree that the kids are doomed over the love situation. Jules startles as she realizes she's figured out the last clue. Owen is excited and wants to know what it is.
Benson goes to Lucas about Molly. Lucas isn't supposed to talk to him about it, but when pressed, says Molly is going to talk to her neurologist about medication. Benson is upset by that, but Lucas says she doesn't want surgery. He understands because brain surgery is terrifying.
Nick has gathered Meredith, Richard, Bailey, Simone, and Ben to make a proposal. He has a way for both patients to get their transplants. They'll split the liver and give two-thirds to Tasha. The remaining graft will go to Lisa, to act as a bridge while he own liver regenerates. Plus the liver was too big for Tasha, so this is the perfect solution. It allows them to save two lives. They all agree to the plan. Nick and Meredith decide to go tell Evynn together.
Nick splits the liver and both Lisa and Tasha get their transplants.
Evynn waits for news.
Meredith tells Richard that Tasha looks great after her surgery. She goes to update Evynn. Richard understands what Evynn did in desperation and knows Meredith was doing the same with Catherine. She thanks him.
Jules leads Andrea and Dev into the morgue. She explains that the answer to the clue is a toe tag. Andrea and Dev realize they win because no one else will be able to get into the morgue. Jules sends them out before they get caught.
Lisa is stable after her surgery. Bailey says that things worked out today, but she tells Ben that his evaluation came in today. He's in a trial period, so he needs to stay in his lane. Ben asks if she's asking as his boss or his wife. If she's his boss, he says okay, but if she's his wife, he says if he can help someone, he's going to do it and hope his boss can see that it's what's best.
Cameron wakes up after surgery. Owen says he'll be back on his feet in a few days. Andrea comes in and tells Cameron that she has different guys for different purposes. Cameron makes her laugh like no one else, while Dev makes her feel smart and Dean makes her feel worldly. She needs all of those guys. She's not ready to settle down. She hopes she didn't ruin their friendship. She tells him they won the scavenger hunt. Owen congratulates them.
Meredith comes in to check on Tasha's drain. Evynn says she has good days and bad days, but she finds every second she gets to spend with Tasha a gift and the transplant will give her more of those. Meredith confides that her mother had Alzheimer's, so she knows what Evynn is going through. Evynn apologizes for implying otherwise. Meredith says her research is always about the people. She never forgets them. Evynn understands. Evynn sees Catherine outside the room. She's worried Catherine will never speak to her again. Meredith is sure they'll be okay, but it may take some time.
Simone offers Jules a ride, but Jules is going out. She's decided to go to Joe's and have some fun. Lucas asks if Simone wants to go to Joe's and talk about her day, but Simone has a bid whist date with her grandmother. She hasn't seen her in a while. She says Lucas should go get a drink, but Lucas would like to go with Simone. He wants to be there for her after her hard day.
Benson tells Molly that before she drove away that night, he asked if she wanted to cancel the wedding and she said she needed to think. She asked him to wait for him. He's still waiting for her. He'll wait for as long as it takes. He apologizes for pressuring her into surgery, but he doesn't want to see her suffer anymore. Molly says she's done some research and there are experimental procedures for people with amnesia to recover their memories. She asks if Amelia would be willing to try it. If she gets the epilepsy surgery, her brain will be open already. Benson is confused that she didn't want a standard procedure, but will allow an experiment. Molly says she wants to remember Benson more than anything. So if Amelia will try, she'll do the surgery.
Nick tells Meredith Tasha's new labs look good. Meredith says the Alzheimer's won't get easier. Nick knows that. He says he didn't see Meredith in Tasha. He saw himself in Evynn. Meredith has to know that if Nick were in Evynn's position, he wouldn't stop fighting for Meredith. Meredith wouldn't stop fighting either. She can't imagine her life without him and he feels the same. They kiss.
Teddy finds Owen and he tells her that Nora tried to kiss him. He didn't want to tell her because he pulled away and didn't want to upset her. But Nora has texted him a few times and it's starting to feel dishonest. She thanks him for not lying to her about it. She also wants to be honest. She tells him about Cass being at the hospital and she thinks she might be attracted to Cass. Owen asks what that means, but Teddy doesn't know. She tells Owen she loves him and he says he loves her. She asks what's going to happen to them and he says he doesn't know. They hug.
Cast[]
Main Cast[]
- Ellen Pompeo as Dr. Meredith Grey
- Chandra Wilson as Dr. Miranda Bailey
- James Pickens, Jr. as Dr. Richard Webber
- Kevin McKidd as Dr. Owen Hunt
- Caterina Scorsone as Dr. Amelia Shepherd
- Camilla Luddington as Dr. Jo Wilson (credit only)
- Jason George as Dr. Ben Warren
- Kim Raver as Dr. Teddy Altman
- Chris Carmack as Dr. Atticus Lincoln (credit only)
- Anthony Hill as Dr. Winston Ndugu
- Alexis Floyd as Dr. Simone Griffith
- Harry Shum Jr. as Dr. Benson Kwan
- Adelaide Kane as Dr. Jules Millin
- Niko Terho as Dr. Lucas Adams
Guest Stars[]
- Debbie Allen as Dr. Catherine Fox
- Scott Speedman as Dr. Nick Marsh
- Sophia Bush as Dr. Cass Beckman
- Lena Waithe as Dr. Evynn Moore
- Dianne Doan as Molly Tran
- Andrea Bordeaux as Tasha Lawson
- Jacob Bond as Cameron
- Karen Maruyama as Lisa Saito
- Jane Widdop as Andrea
- Anirudh Pisharody as Dev
Co-Starring[]
Medical Notes[]
Tasha Lawson[]
- Diagnosis:
- Primary sclerosing cholangitis
- Situs inversus
- Alzheimer's Disease
- Doctors:
- Nick Marsh (transplant surgeon)
- Meredith Grey (general surgeon)
- Treatment:
- Liver transplant
Tasha's transplant was paused when it was discovered Evynn had lied about her condition. They put the liver in a perfusing box while the transplant committee reviewed her case. Due to her being so young, Nick asked if they could re-evaluate her to see if the Alzheimer's had been misdiagnosed and there was another cause for her dementia. Amelia examined her and concluded it was most likely Alzheimer's as diagnosed. When another patient in the hospital went into liver failure, the committee decided to give it to her, but Nick proposed splitting it, giving the larger portion to Tasha while a small amount went to the other patient.
Molly Tran[]
- Diagnosis:
- Seizure
- Temporal lobe epilepsy
- Doctors:
- Amelia Shepherd (neurosurgeon)
- Neurologist
- Benson Kwan (surgical intern)
- Lucas Adams (surgical intern)
- Treatment:
- Phenytoin
Molly had a seizure, so Benson took her to the hospital for a workup. She said she'd been having seizures since her accident four years prior. She'd used a series of medications to try to control them, but had to change when they became less effective. They ran an EEG. A later scan showed temporal lobe epilepsy. Amelia said she could do deep brain stimulation to treat the seizures, but Molly said she wasn't interested in surgery. Instead, Molly agreed to talk to her neurologist about trying a different medication. After consider it, Molly decided that if she was already having brain surgery, to ask Amelia to try an experimental procedure to bring back her memory from before the accident.
Lisa Saito[]
- Diagnosis:
- Jaundice
- Acetaminophen hepatotoxicity
- Liver failure
- Hepatic encephalopathy
- Doctors:
- Miranda Bailey (general surgeon)
- Ben Warren (surgical resident)
- Treatment:
- Liver transplant
Lisa, 63, was admitted to the hospital for jaundice and abdominal pain due to acetaminophen hepatotoxicity. They gave her medicine to prevent further damage to her liver and monitored her to see if her liver would heal. Her labs showed that her liver was failing, which caused hepatic encephalopathy. They got her on the transplant list immediately and Bailey was told a liver might be available in the hospital. The transplant committee decided it would go to Lisa. After reviewing the case, Nick decided to split the liver between Lisa and Tasha Lawson, giving Tasha the majority and a small amount to Lisa, which would allow her native liver time to recover. Her post-op labs looked good.
Winston's Patient[]
- Diagnosis:
- Doctors:
- Winston Ndugu (cardiothoracic surgeon)
- Jules Millin (surgical intern)
- Treatment:
- Antibiotics
Winston was doing an MRI on a patient with an infection in their chest.
Cameron[]
- Diagnosis:
- Grade III splenic laceration
- Doctors:
- Winston Ndugu (cardiothoracic surgeon)
- Owen Hunt (trauma surgeon)
- Jules Millin (surgical intern)
- Treatment:
- Splenectomy
Cameron entered the MRI room while carrying a metal pole and was sucked into the machine, pinning him in place. They got him down and observed bruising to his chest and abdomen. They moved him to a trauma room for an exam. His CT showed a splenic laceration with active extravasation. They told him he'd need an embolization, but before they could do it, he started bleeding out, so they rushed him into surgery. Owen had to remove his spleen, which controlled the bleeding.
David Beckman[]
- Diagnosis:
- Doctors:
- Treatment:
David was in the hospital for a colonoscopy.
Music[]
| Song | Performer | Scene |
|---|---|---|
| "Revelry" | Texada |
|
| "Keep on Flying" | Kelson |
|
| "Long Way Down" | Tristan Bushman |
|
| "I Can Feel It" | VG Lucas |
|
Notes and Trivia[]
- This episode's title originated from the song I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For, originally sung by U2.
- This episode scored 2.39 million viewers.[1]
Gallery[]
Episode Stills[]
Quotes[]
See Also[]
|
A complete overview of this episode's crew can be found here. |
| Grey's Anatomy Season 21 | ||||||
| #01 | "If Walls Could Talk" | #07 | "If You Leave" | #13 | "Don't You (Forget About Me)" | |
| #02 | "Take Me to Church" | #08 | "Drop It Like It's Hot" | #14 | "Love in the Ice Age" | |
| #03 | "I Can See Clearly Now" | #09 | "Hit the Floor" | #15 | "Bust Your Windows" | |
| #04 | "This One's for the Girls" | #10 | "Jump (for My Love)" | #16 | "Papa Was a Rollin' Stone" | |
| #05 | "You Make My Heart Explode" | #11 | "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" | #17 | "Love You Like a Love Song" | |
| #06 | "Night Moves" | #12 | "Ridin' Solo" | #18 | "How Do I Live" | |
| << Season 20 | ||||||