After some tense and traumatic experiences, the firefighters get a visit from a psychologist.
The station is mourning Rigo's death. There's a boot to collect money for Eva at the reception.
Robert and Maya tell the A-shift that there's a mandatory meeting in the beanery.
The crew has gathered in the beanery for a critical incident stress debrief. They all sigh. They just finished a 24-hour shift and they all want to go. Maya says they are not allowed to leave. B-shift comes in and John tells Maya to take A-shift somewhere else so they can start cooking for Eva without seeing Jack there. They all leave.
In the gym, Robert introduces everyone to Dr. Diane Lewis, a psychologist and trauma specialist. The crew is not sure that being held at emotional gunpoint to talk about their feelings is legal. Robert warns them not to push it and leaves Diane to do her work. She says they can talk about whatever needs talking about. Last year, more firefighters died from suicide than in the line of duty. Diane used to be a smokejumper. She is one of them so she knows what it's like to lose one of your own. She's not doing this in the gym, though.
Diane has installed herself in Maya's office. She's talking with Jack first. With three kids at home, she enjoys the silence. Jack says Rigo was a good guy but not a good firefighter. He didn't listen to authority which made him a liability. He was like that way before Jack broke the code and lost his self respect. He thinks Diane is judging him, too, for breaking that code. He talks about starting to sleep with Eva and trying to stop. She asks about what he was going through before he made his decisions. He thought she'd want to talk about trauma. He's been through worse than Rigo's death. He dodges and asks why she made a career change. She talks about a bad drop from a helicopter that left her with a shattered leg. Her team had to rescue her, which cost a family their house and dog, Aldo. Aldo's barking and the kids crying would haunt her in her sleep. It hurt more than the extensive surgeries she had to go through. Finally, someone like her got to her bedside and made her talk. The barking got quieter the more she talked. When her leg never fully healed, she learnt how to do this. She tells Jack it's his turn now. He brings up losing his foster family, which was going to adopt him. His foster parents were concerned with overpopulation, which is why they chose fostering and adoption over conceiving kids themselves. He then brings up his worst call, which happened last Christmas.
Flashback. Jack and Dean burst into an apartment as a crying woman tries to extinguish her burning Christmas tree with a glass of water. Dean has her step back while Jack puts out the fire. He then opens a window and notices empty whiskey bottles. She keeps repeating that the tree's on fire. She then breaks down in Jack's arms.
Diane asks why that is the worst call as she assumes he has seen whole families cooked to death. Jack says it was the worst because that woman was all alone yet somehow, through the booze and loneliness, she got up off the couch and got a tree and decorated it. And still, she was all alone. All she had was that tree and then it burned. He starts crying and asks for a tissue. Diane refuses because tissues imply that you need to suck your tears back in while she wants all of them out.
Andy's up next. She's angry with Jack for breaking the code, with Maya for putting him in the field, and with Sullivan for promoting Maya over her. Other than that, she's fine. She brings up Diane's career change, too. She could never do it. She's more of a doer than a talker. Diane guesses she was a cheerleader in high school. Dance squad, actually. Diane says she likes getting to know her clients. Andy preferred salsa over dance squad. She was state champion. Diane says that takes sex appeal and showmanship and athleticism and wonders what made her jump into fires. Andy thinks someone told her about her and Sullivan. After checking if doctor-patient confidentiality is in play, she says she is in love with Sullivan. She thinks Diane hates her for being a blight on the plight for female firefighters. Andy thinks they should be talking about Vasquez but she adds she's supposed to feel guilty about Sullivan, but she's feeling electric instead. Sullivan undoes her. Diane says love is calming. It gets electric when you combine it with rule breaking, intrigue, danger. Diane points out she's breaking the code, too, and that she does not feel guilty about being a blight on the plight. Diane wants to figure out why. Andy says the plight of female firefighters is not hers to carry. Her mother was going to be a firefighter until she met Pruitt at the academy and got pregnant with Andy. Diane finds out Pruitt used to run this fire station. Andy stresses that this has nothing to do with her father. Andy thinks they are done. Diane asks if Rigo was her friend.
Flashback. Andy and Rigo arrive at a call about a dying woman. Tony takes them to the backyard, where a woman is gasping. A man is doing the Heimlich but they stop him since the woman is wheezing. As Rigo asks the woman to cough, Andy screams and climbs up on a bench because she sees a raccoon. The woman then truly starts choking. Rigo pulls off the Heimlich manoeuvre, which works. Later, back in the aid car, Rigo mocks her. They laugh, forgetting about the woman in the back, whom they are supposed to take to the hospital for a check-up.
Andy tells Diane she barely knew Rigo.
Travis and Emmett are cooking. Diane comes in and tells Travis it's his turn. B-shift took off for a call so Travis is finishing what they started. Travis wants to talk while he cooks. He makes Emmett leave so they can talk in private. Diane picks up on the tension. Travis vents about his being in the closet and cheating on his girlfriend. In code, he talks about Dixon bullying his son into firefighting and staying in the closet. Emmett just rolls with that, not fighting for the right to be who he is. It makes Travis hate him. Diane asks Travis about his dad. He might be the only openly gay firefighter in Seattle, so the problem seems to be that Travis is braver than most. Travis says bravery is a prerequisite for the job. She says he is braver. He says you shouldn't have to be brave to be out of the closet in 2020. She says you do have to be brave for that. Travis is brave. She wonders why that is so hard to take in. She asks why he'd rather think of Emmett as a coward than owning his own strength. Diane asks how his parents reacted when he came out. Travis dodges and asks Diane why she became a firefighter. She had an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and underdeveloped interest in the family business, an Irish pub. She was raped in the backroom when she was 17 and she didn't want to go there after that. She has no shame about being raped. Shame is for the rapist. Travis has never had a therapist disclose their personal business. She has found that talking about herself helps firefighters to open up. Travis decides to open up.
Flashback. Travis, dressed up as Frank-N-Further from Rocky Horror Picture Show, and David are heading for the car when they hear a woman screaming for help. Travis instructs David to call the police. He breaks open the door and overpowers the man who's beating up his wife.
Travis says it was not a big deal. He wrestled in high school and men who beat their wives are cowards. It gave him a taste for the hero thing and he never looked back. Diane says he just downplayed his bravery again and asks who gave him so much shame to carry that he has to pretend his bravery is other people being cowards. Few gay first responders come out and only a few people will tackle men who are beating their wives. He is brave and fierce. Emmett is just a guy figuring things out. He's on another level but that does not make him a coward. It makes Travis extraordinary. Travis starts crying and claims it's about Rigo's death.
Ben tells Diane he's in the club of people changing careers midstream. He brings up finding a way to bring all his careers together. She heard about the PRT. He misses fighting fires but he can still do that when he's needed. He just didn't want his finely honed skill set to go to waste. His wife said that, too. Diane understands she wishes he were still working in the safety of a hospital. Diane gets that. She married a firefighter once. When he was fighting fires, she always worried about him. It's a sickening feeling. Diane says these are things his wife is not telling him. It's not very helpful. She thinks that is because Ben knows how scared she is while he is not prepared to change his life. Ben says he did change his life by creating the PRT. He saved Rigo. And then he threw a clot, which is God's way of saying "screw you" to doctors with God complexes. Ben fixed him up and Rigo thanked him when he went to visit him. Ben left the room patting himself on the back. And then God laughed. Diane asks if he believes in a punishing God. Ben doesn't know what he believes. He did Sunday school as a kid and he was taught that God rewards the righteous and punishes the wicked. The stuff he's seen on this job would indicate everyone's wicked, then. Rigo and Ben himself didn't deserve to be punished. Ben talks about Bailey's miscarriage. His wife is not wicked. She brought home a foster kid. Diane asks if he thinks he's the wicked one, then. Diane needs to get to know him better before she can decide if he's wicked. She asks about the angriest he's ever been.
Flashback. Ben is pulled over by a cop. He is forced to get out of his car and lie down on the ground at the officer's feet without any explanation. After he's handed over his license, the officer tells him his taillight's out. Ben tells the man he's a firefighter, a surgeon, and, most of all, a human being but the officer doesn't care.
Ben admits to having had a few revenge fantasies. He went home and hugged his wife and son. He called the Chief of Police and city council and reported his experience. He requested the officer receive suspension without pay and an unconscious bias training. He also donated to ACLU. Diane tells Ben he is righteous, not wicked.
Dean and Vic are working out together. Diane comes in and tells Vic it's her turn. Dean wants to go first so he can get back to his baby. Vic is fine with that. Dean says he can say everything he has to say in front of Vic. Diane says her gut says it's okay even though it's against protocol. She thinks Dean is looking for a way to tell Vic something. Dean thinks her gut is wrong. He just want to finish his workout. Dean talks about the origins of Pru's name. Arike comes from his mother's Nigerian tribe. Diane asks if his mother's pleased with the name. Dean says she won't meet his daughter because she doesn't like Dean having a baby out of wedlock. It means he has disappointed his parents beyond their lowest expectations. They're cutting him off both financially and emotionally. Vic is shocked. Diane asks if Dean and Vic are friends or a couple. Vic informs her about their arrangement. Vic says everyone has a heard time believing they are just friends who are living together. She talks about Jackson breaking up with her over her moving in with Dean. Dean says Jackson broke up with her because she didn't consult him about moving in with him. As her friend, he thinks it's his job to tell her the truth. With his sister being a lawyer in Chicago, Vic is the closest thing Dean has to family now. Dean says his mother used to walk him to school. Kids used to make fun of them because they looked and sounded different. His mother told him "We are Nigerians." There's a lot of pride in that. His parents have very high expectations. When he became a firefighter, his mother told him he crushed her and brought her shame. Now he understands that because it's exactly what her choices are doing to him. He feels so much shame for her mother for her refusing to meet his perfect girl. Dean needs Vic in his life. He and Pru are grateful for her. But he has to tell her something. He thinks she loves Jackson and sabotaged things with him because she felt guilty about moving on from Ripley so fast. If she were his girlfriend and did to him what she did to Jackson, he would have ended things, too. He thinks she needs to fix things because Dean does not want to be the reason she's brokenhearted again. Vic says her best friend in high school was a 90-year-old in her grandmother's assisted-living facility. She continued to visit him even after her grandmother stopped recognizing her. She cried a lot for a while when Milton died but then she made a new best friend. She didn't feel guilty for that and neither does she feel guilty now. She feels relief from the unbearable pain of losing him. That does not make her wrong or shallow. Vic says she didn't sabotage things with Jackson. She just didn't ask his permission to move in with a friend. She thinks Dean is backwards for thinking she should have. She's not moving out because Dean told his truth, but it's stupid. Vic thanks Diane and walks out. Once she's gone, Diane tells Diane that when people fall in love with their friends, they try to set them up with other people. Dean should be careful. If he tells Vic he loves her too soon, it could blow the whole thing. Diane says her gut is never wrong.
Jack catches up with Diane and asks why he broke the code. He knows she has a take, even after one hour. She says he had a family for one year after doing years alone on the streets and in group homes. A fire took his family away so his body is wired for that pattern: comfort and love are followed by sudden and shocking loss and loneliness. She tells him his family at the station is still alive. He says Rigo isn't. Diane says you need to name and heal that patterns that trauma creates, or you'll end up reliving them, which she thinks is why he broke the code. However, it's not why Rigo died. He didn't follow orders. His own psychology got him in the end. She hands Jack her card and tells him to reach out if he wants to talk more.
Diane drops by Maya's office. Maya asks her how they are doing as a house. She says she just wants to know how everyone is taking Rigo's death. Diane asks her about how she's taking it. Maya is beating herself up over having put Jack and Rigo together that day. Diane says that is not her team's narrative. Maya thinks she's a horrible person for only caring about how Rigo's death reflects on her. Eyes forward is the rule that was drilled into her. She admits she thinks about dying. It soothes her. Eyes forward all the time is exhausting. She's not suicidal but it offers an escape. As a kid, she'd fly all the over the country for track meets and she'd look to the clouds. They looked so soft, like nothing could hurt her there, like she could rest and love in peace, if she could jump into them. She admits she's a little jealous of Rigo right now. Upon hearing her father taught her that rule, Diane asks if she's ever considered the possibility that he was wrong. Diane thinks she could learn to let herself rest and sleep and love in this life instead of waiting for death to set her free.
Travis and Emmett drop by Eva's house with the food. She says she doesn't want it because she does not want to feel like a widow, like Rigo is never coming home. She shuts the door on them.
Jack drops by the woman from the Christmas tree fire with groceries. The burn mark is still on her wall. She appreciates his showing up and invites him in.
Ben plays basketball with Joey and Tuck.
While cuddling, Maya asks Carina to take some days off so they can take a trip. She'd like to try taking a day off. Carina gladly accepts.
Dean smiles as he watches Vic play with Pru.
Sullivan and Andy dance salsa in his bedroom before falling onto the bed and making out.
Emmett drops by Travis's place and kisses him. Travis kisses him back and closes the door.
- Jaina Lee Ortiz as Lieutenant Andy Herrera
- Jason George as Dr. Ben Warren
- Boris Kodjoe as Battalion Chief Robert Sullivan
- Grey Damon as Lieutenant Jack Gibson
- Barrett Doss as Victoria Hughes
- Jay Hayden as Travis Montgomery
- Okieriete Onaodowan as Dean Miller
- Danielle Savre as Captain Maya Bishop
- Miguel Sandoval as Pruitt Herrera (credit only)
- Rigo Sanchez as Rigo Vasquez
- Lachlan Buchanan as Emmett Dixon
- Stefania Spampinato as Dr. Carina DeLuca
- Tracie Thoms as Dr. Diane Lewis
- Drew Rausch as John Finch
- Jayne Taini as Marsha Smith
- Kelly Thiebaud as Eva Vasquez
- BJ Tanner as William George Bailey Jones
- Noah Alexander Gerry as Joey
- Kelly LaMarr as Jeff
- Brandon Win as David
- Brendan Ford as Jones
- Kenajuan Bentley as Tony
- Exandrea Pitts as Kelly
- Brett Gipson as Chuck
Jack and Dean responded to a fire in Marsha's apartment. Her tree had caught on fire and she was unable to put it out alone. They quickly put out the fire.
Rigo and Andy came to a house where Kelly was choking in the back yard. Someone else was doing the Heimlich on her, but as she was still wheezing, Rigo told him to stop. When she inhaled and stopped wheezing, Rigo did the Heimlich and dislodged the object. They then took Kelly to the hospital to get cleared.
While out on Halloween, Travis heard a woman screaming. He entered the house to find her husband beating her. He tackled her husband, allowing her the chance to escape, which she did.
|"Jack & Diane"||Cast (Grey Damon)||
|"The Maze"||Manchester Orchestra||
|"When It Rains"||Lightning Dust||
Notes and Trivia
- This episode scored 6.90 million viewers.
- Pruitt Herrera does not appear, marking the first episode of Station 19 not to feature him.
- Krista Vernoff wrote the episode on a cross-country flight.
- Upon hearing that Travis would appear in a The Rocky Horror Picture Show drag outfit, Jay Hayden was adamant about going all out with the outfit, including fishnet stockings.
Behind the Scenes
A complete overview of this episode's crew can be found here.
|Station 19 Season 3|
|#01||"I Know This Bar"||#07||"Satellite of Love"||#13||"Dream a Little Dream of Me"|
|#02||"Indoor Fireworks"||#08||"Born to Run"||#14||"The Ghosts That Haunt Me"|
|#03||"Eulogy"||#09||"Poor Wandering One"||#15||"Bad Guy"|
|#04||"House Where Nobody Lives"||#10||"Something About What Happens When We Talk"||#16||"Louder Than a Bomb"|
|#05||"Into the Woods"||#11||"No Days Off"|
|#06||"Ice Ice Baby"||#12||"I'll Be Seeing You"|
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